The Fragility of Illusions

The small village of Shangleng almost reminds Wei Wuxian of Caiyi, in its quiet, friendly people and unassuming nature. Yes, there are many notable differences. Caiyi is a decently sized town, whereas Shangleng can’t possibly have more than one hundred, maybe one hundred and fifty people living there. Where the waters of Caiyi were a lovely blue, these waters were a murky greenish brown. Still, in the way that the happy people efficiently use the marshes to travel throughout the village, almost perfectly in sync and function, is a sight to behold. If he thinks even harder, a better comparison might even be with Lotus Pier.

But that hurts a little too much, so he shakes it off.

He and Lan Wangji were there for a night hunt, rowing a small boat through the marshes. They already met with the desperately gracious leader of this small village. Apparently, men had been vanishing in their fields left and right, and the elders were convinced that an extremely powerful luóchà was there to torment them and could very well possibly one day consume the entire town.

“A luóchà? Lan Zhan, tell me about one.”

Lan Wangji knows full well that Wei Wuxian knows what the demon is, but he also doesn’t mind entertaining this educational game that he likes to play with the juniors when he’s teaching.  

“Demon. Large,” he explains, focused on rowing. “Consumer of human flesh. Known to be shapeshifters, with strong powers of illusion.”

“Exactly right!” Wei Wuxian whirls around, beaming. “My husband’s so smart. I’m so happy that you could step away from work to join me in this night hunt, Lan Zhan! You’ve been so busy that outside of dinner and our everyday, I hardly ever see you! Which is fine, your work is important, of course, but- well, anyway. Thank you for coming with me, even though it seems like it’s going to storm the entire heavens later.” The sky was overcast, a greenish hue forming in the clouds and blotting out the sun. The villagers were already scurrying to their homes, preparing for the onslaught.

“I would follow Wei Ying anywhere. Rain is nothing.”

The simple, genuine honestly always leaves Wei Wuxian breathless with happiness.

“Oh, Lan Zhan! Be careful with your words, I might faint off one of these little boats.”

“I would catch you.”

“I know this, and I love you. Anyway, we’re meeting up with one of the brave ladies from the village to go scope things out, so be on your best behavior, okay Lan Zhan? Bright smile!”

Lan Wangji snorts, before docking the small boat and stepping out, reaching to gently help Wei Wuxian. A petite lady stands patiently on land at the end of the pier. Her clothing is practical- shirt, pants and boots, shades of green and yellow, perfect for camouflage with the environment. If they hadn’t been looking for her, it would be easy to lose sight. She bows when they come into view.

“Chief Cultivator. Wei-gongzi. Please follow me.”

“Wei-gongzi?” Wei Wuxian is flattered, grinning at Lan Wangji. “Oh, I like her already!”

As they walk past the open-air marshes toward the forest, Wei Wuxian and the young lady discuss the different spots that the luóchà has been seen, as well as different ways they’ve tried to fight the being. It seems to only go after the men, though with the pickup in disappearances, she is worried that the women will be next.

“Is that not surprising?” Lan Wangji notes quietly. “I would think that it would go after the elderly and the children first, but it seems to target your strongest fighters first.”

“I’ve done my own research on them, and it seems that they thrive off energy and resentment. I would think that the more powerful the fighter, the more power they might gain. But that’s just a guess.” 

Wei Wuxian nods, his brow furrowing. If the demon thrives off both cultivation energy and resentment, then he and Lan Wangji were going to have a hard time finding the balance to take it down. Half an hour later, they finally arrive at the edge of the broad forest where the marshes blend into the darkness, on more solid ground. They both turn to bow to the young woman who stands a little way back.

“Excuse me,” Wei Wuxian offers, reaching out to grab her hands. “Call me a shameless man, but I did not catch your name earlier.”

The young woman jumps, trying to move out of the way, but it is too late. The moment Wei Wuxian’s hands come into content with her skin, a ripple of resentment flashes out, repulsing them away.

Wei Wuxian exhales, undaunted. “Yep. Could have figured.”

“I am surprised you did not figure it out earlier,” Lan Wangji comments, unsheathing Bichen.

“Of course I did, Lan Zhan! I wanted to get away from the village, first! I mean come on; she didn’t even introduce herself!”

The demon’s skin sloughs off as it expands to twice their size, its body bulging and morphing into that a tiger with a serpent’s head. The rain begins to pour down in earnest as it whips toward the closer of the two, Wei Wuxian, who quickly leaps out of the way. The resentment floating around the demon is palpable, a thick smog that’s disgusting even for the Yiling Patriarch. This luóchà must be extremely vengeful, Wei Wuxian notes. As he pulls Chenqing to his lips, Lan Wangji sweeps toward the neck and body of the demon, quickly dodging in and out of its heavy pawed swings and venomous fangs. For every moment that Lan Wangji jumps back, resentful energy blasts forward only to be deflected, then absorbed.

Though it’s only been a few minutes, this dance seems like it lasts forever. When Lan Wangji finally manages to land a blow, the sword impacts with a sharp clang, but does not pierce. Stunned, Lan Wangji has no time to dodge before a paw swipes him away. He crashes through the back trees before sinking under the nearby water.

The eerie notes of the dizi clash with the wailing of the wind, the resentment around the luóchà thickening enough to restrain it in place. It’s just long enough for Wei Wuxian to dash to the general area of where he saw Lan Wangji fall.

“Lan Zhan!” he calls, looking around in a panic. “Lan Zhan, are you okay in there?”

“I am right here.”

Some nearby sloshing reveals a soaked Lan Wangji, his white robes now a mildewy green. He is frustrated, breathing hard, but unharmed.

“At least they would have already been wet?” Wei Wuxian attempts, trying to assuage his husband’s injured pride.

An inhuman shriek from the demon causes them to press their hands over both their ears as it shifts into a new form. This time it resembles a dragon, but with six anthropomorphic arms and scaled wings. When it expands its wings, intent on escape, Lan Wangji pulls out his guqin and strums a note. The soundwave momentarily rocks the beast, allowing Wei Wuxian to summon more resentful energy to wrap around its body. It takes a moment before he thinks back to the what the luóchà revealed of itself, disguised as the young woman.

“Lan Zhan! It’s feeding off our energy! It’s only going to become more powerful! I’ve got an idea, we can-”

Before he can finish the demon roars again, using all its energy to smash into the ground, sending dirt and water rushing over them. As the dust clears, Lan Wangji notices Wei Wuxian coughing behind him, seemingly choking on the filthy water. When the water becomes blood, he quickly turns to lend aid.

“Lan Zhan! Lan Wangji, no!”

The horror in the cry slows time, just enough for Lan Wangji to see the luóchà rip through its personal illusion and lunge toward him, reaching a clawed hand dripping with poison toward him. Before the claw can make contact, time speeds up and another body tackles him out of the way. Lan Wangji can’t even react in time as the luóchà’s claw punctures Wei Wuxian’s shoulder and yanks him back, flinging him across the forest floor.

Running on pure adrenaline, a ferocious Wei Wuxian quickly stands back up. His hair furiously whips in the wind, torn from its ponytail. His rage-filled eyes, if possible, have deepened in their crimson color. Holding Chenqing high, he begins to summon all the resentment that he can- not from outside of the luóchà, but from within the luóchà. The dark energy drains from the demon’s pores, and the creature shifts from shape to shape every millisecond in agony, only momentarily pausing on its true form. The resentful energy must go somewhere, and Lan Wangji notices with anguish that Wei Wuxian is drawing it into himself, crouching on the ground.

“Lan Zhan!” he screams. “Its true form! It’s vulnerable! Kill it! Kill it now!”

Lan Wangji knows he only has seconds left of Wei Wuxian’s precious time, and he only has one chance to prolong it. Fingers tense on the strings, he waits until the true form appears to strum a chord on the guqin. The reverb is enough to slow its transition, and with his own blazing fury he slices off the demon’s head.

The luóchà, with one more dying wail, disintegrates. Before its filth can infect the waters, Lan Wangji plays a short part of Cleansing, allowing the dark ash to filter into bright blue spiritual matter and float into the wind. Both men fall to their knees at the same time in relief. It seems even the heavens are kind, the wind and rain lightening to a drizzle.

Wei Wuxian is proud, and exhausted, and the moment he truly exhales, a pained scream pours out. His adrenaline is gone, replaced by the pulsing of the poison through his veins. It’s only made worse by the resentment his body consumed, which is searing through him with every heartbeat.

Lan Wangji is next to him in an instant, and Wei Wuxian twitches in surprise when he sees the amount of red soaking onto his clothes.

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying! Keep your eyes open, stay focused on me!”

Wei Wuxian is trying, but his eyes keep rolling to the back of his head every other moment, and his head is throbbing. When Lan Wangji tears off a sleeve, ripping it into strips, Wei Wuxian pouts.

“Oh, Lan Zhan, not your funeral whites!” he murmurs, trying to smile. “They were salvageable before, now you won’t be able to wear them ever again.”

“Wei Ying do not speak like that! I will you get you to safety. Everything will be okay.”

When Lan Wangji tightly wraps the makeshift bandages, Wei Wuxian can’t help the cry of misery at the pain, tears bubbling as he tries to bite his lip. He’s so feverish that when Lan Wangji leaps onto Bichen to speed home through the thinning storm, he’s mumbling contradictions the entire way.

“Lan Zhan, it hurts so badly, it burns…”

“It’s fine. I’ve been through worse. No worries.”

“I feel like I’m swelling, Lan Zhan. Am I swelling?”

“A soak in the cold spring will probably fix this, right?”

“I think it might have pierced a lung…it hurts to breathe.”  

The babbling, though morbid, was reassuring to Lan Wangji, only because it lets him know that Wei Wuxian is still with him. So when a deathly pale Wei Wuxian falls silent, head lolling back onto Lan Wangji’s sleeve, it feels like his worst fears are coming true once again.

“Wei Ying.”

“Wei Ying, say something, please.”

“I won’t let you die, Wei Ying, you can’t...”

“You can’t leave me…not again…”

When Wei Wuxian next opens his eyes, everything is blurry, and he could almost assume that he’d passed on and was in some sort of afterlife. A cool, refreshing breeze brushes his skin, a breeze that smells sharply of medicine, but also of a relaxing blend of sandalwood and eucalyptus. From the way the sun lays in the room, it must be late afternoon, early evening. A familiar tune plays gently in the background; Clarity ties the miniature paradise all together, though it isn’t the song Wei Wuxian would have chosen to hear first for the rest of his existence.

Blinking until he can see clearly, he shifts just enough to see Lan Sizhui pause in his guqin playing and hears his delighted gasp.

“You look just like your a-die. So proper and well-raised.” Wei Wuxian’s voice is hoarse from lack of use, and he’s surprised to note how difficult it is to speak. Not that it would stop him.

Lan Sizhui is immediately by his bedside, taking his hand.

“You’re finally awake! We were really worried, gege.” The old endearment slips out, revealing just how stressed Lan Sizhui must have been. “You’ve been asleep for four days straight! You had a really bad fever for three of those days too; Hanguang Jun and the doctors have been treating you day and night.”

“And where is Hanguang Jun?” Wei Wuxian teases. “Clearly he’s not here to dote on his ailing husband.”

“Do not make jokes like that, Wei-qianbei.” He sounds just as serious as his father. “Hanguang Jun had to return to his duties as Chief Cultivator today because his work piled up quite high. But every moment he can, he’s back here with you!”

Wei Wuxian nods in understanding; of course, Lan Wangji had his work to attend to. It’s what one would expect from such a noble man and important leader. It used to be so exciting to hear people address his husband by all of his titles, so titillating to use in bed. Still, sometimes, he can’t help but feel… Well, it doesn’t matter.

“Don’t worry, a-Yuan. I know he’s busy. And as for me- I’ve taken worse. Well, to a better body than this. But I’ll be up and going in no time.”

Lan Sizhui’s pained smile suggests otherwise. “I don’t think you will be moving so quickly. You can’t see it right now because of the bandages, but Jingyi and I saw what you looked like when Hanguang Jun brought you home. You looked really bad, Wei-qianbei. You have a large stab wound, the size of a small fist, to your upper right shoulder, and it almost pierced right through. There are black lines veining around it, from a poison that was only antagonized by…by the presence of resentment.”

The sharp worry on Lan Sizhui’s face subdues anymore joking around that Wei Wuxian had in mind. He must be on some strong medication to numb the pain he should clearly be in, with the amount of resentment that he’d used to bring down the demon.

“You almost bled out too much, and you were convulsing all over the bed. Hanguang Jun was worried near to death. Despite his own injuries and exhaustion, he wouldn’t stop transferring spiritual energy to you.”

Wei Wuxian tries to sit up, face concerned. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, Wei-qianbei. He heals faster than you, you know that.”

They are interrupted by a quiet flurry of knock patterns, clearly a code.

“You can open the door,” he calls. Wei Wuxian hears the door opens, followed by a whispered

“How’s he doing?”

The whisper lets Wei Wuxian know that Lan Jingyi is likely not supposed to be there and is toeing the line by not entering the Jingshi. He chuckles with delight at the subterfuge- he’s such a bad influence.

“He’s awake!”

“Great! Did you tell him the romantic story of how Hanguang Jun saved him?”

“I just did!”

“I wish I could have been there to see it all. I bet it was an awesome fight. Oh! Anyway, I’ll go alert Hanguang Jun! Wait- What the- you-”

Sounds of conflict are heard at the door, with garbled tones raising in volume.

“You can’t just enter Hanguang Jun’s home!”

“I will and you can’t stop me!”

“You stupid kid-”

A flash of yellow sprints into the room, looking around as if to fight off any further challengers.

“Oh, is that my beloved nephew, come to see if I’m okay?”

Jin Ling pouts, folding his arms as he stares down at Wei Wuxian in consternation.

“See if you’re okay? Is this a joke? Am I joke to you?”

“You’ll always be a joke to me, Jin Ling!” calls Lan Jingyi from the door.

“Shut up, Lan Jingyi! Don’t they have rules against you being rude here? Don’t you answer that!”

As Lan Sizhui slowly puts his hand down, Jin Ling turns back to Wei Wuxian. “Someone had to see if you were still living! It’s like I’m the adult in this relationship! Don’t you care about yourself? I bet you did something stupid to get hurt like this, like you always are!”

Lan Sizhui frowns. “Jin Ling! He’s badly injured, be considerate.”

“Well maybe just he shouldn’t get hurt anymore.”

Lan Sizhui lowers his head to hide his smile as Wei Wuxian grins.

“Oh, gods. They just make anyone a sect leader these days, huh?” Lan Jingyi teases.

“Why, you-” Jin Ling swivels toward the door, ready to cause a scene. Lan Sizhui goes to hold him back while Lan Jingyi calls for Jin Ling to come out. So much for ‘no fighting in the Cloud Recesses’. The excitement leaves Wei Wuxian wheezing laughter in bed, though everything pauses when he starts to cough deeply, fluids rumbling in his chest.

Conflict dropped, Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling both go to help him, but they cower when a graceful sweep of white brushes past them. Lan Wangji has already reached for the jug of medicine that’s been simmering with a heat talisman, pouring it into a cup and sitting on the bed.

“Drink slowly so you don’t choke, Wei Ying.”

Lan Wangji lifts him forward for drinking ease, cutting his eyes at the three boys making excessive noise in the Cloud Recesses (and more importantly, in front of his ill husband). Jin Ling noticeably scoots all the way back to the front door, next to a disgruntled Lan Jingyi. All three boys bow, greeting Hanguang Jun.  

Wei Wuxian gives a weak smile when he finishes the bitter concoction.

“Lan Zhan, you almost missed it! Look! My favorite children came to see if I was all right!”

“I’m pleased that you’re happy Wei Ying, but you’re still healing. You need rest and quiet. Medicine, three times a day.”

It’s clear that Lan Wangji is still extremely worried, fluffing his pillow, replacing a cold towel on his forehead, and tucking him back into bed.

“Oh, boo. Laughter heals all ills and the soul and…wounds. I’m sure that’s somewhere in your new thousand rules since I last died.”

“Wei Ying.”

“It is not,” Lan Sizhui notes helpfully. “but I can find you some appropriate quotes from Lan historic texts if you’d like to read them.”

“Rather than that, a-Yuan, do me a favor and just push this pillow over my face and squeeze.”

Lan Jingyi snorts before fixing his face at Lan Wangji’s annoyed glance, and Lan Sizhui simply chuckles. Jin Ling is still in the frame of the door, clearly uncomfortable. It’s still bizarre for him to see Hanguang Jun in such a domestic light, especially when fawning over his ridiculous uncle.

“It’s fine!” he awkwardly announces. “I was on my way to visit Jiujiu anyway! Someone must spread the news that you’re still kicking. But I’ll be back just in case!” Before anyone can stop him, he proceeds to flee. Wei Wuxian sighs; as much as he loves his nephew, Jin Ling’s high energy can be a little draining.

Gods I must be getting old to have thoughts like that. Still, he yawns.

“Well, hurricane Jin Ling is gone for now, and with blessings we won’t have to deal with hurricane Jiang Cheng until I’m a little healthier.”

Seeing their own moment of escape, Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi respectfully bow and silently make their way off, leaving the husbands to sit in peace. Wei Wuxian stretches out a hand to preen at Lan Wangji’s immaculate robes, resulting in a private smile.

“I’m glad to see you healthy, Lan Zhan. What have you been up to today?”

“Duties of the Chief Cultivator. I have much to catch up on. Tea with brother.”

“How’s Lan Xichen doing?”

“Better. More self-assured, if less naïve. He plans on leaving seclusion soon.”

Despite the very good news, Lan Wangji seems upset, his eyebrows minutely pinched.

“What’s wrong, Lan Zhan? It’s great news that Lan Xichen is ready to rejoin us!”

“It is not that. I… do not like that your nephew implied that your survival is unfortunate.”

Wei Wuxian’s jaw drops before he snickers. “Oh, that? Don’t worry about Jin Ling. He’s just like his uncle.”

Hot headed and inconsiderate? The negative opinions are clear as day on Lan Wangji’s face- well, clear as day to Wei Wuxian- and he huffs a laugh.

“Don’t make such a face, Lan Zhan. There’s care under all of that, I swear it!”

Lan Wangji still seems shaken, hand trembling slightly.

“Tell me, Lan Zhan. Please. What is truly wrong?”

After a few breaths, Lan Wangji sighs. “You look…very similar to back then. Even out there when you were fighting. You looked very much- like you did in the past. In the Burial Mounds. Pale, and suffering. You have lost some weight. You are already smaller than you were then, and now… It was…It is hard to deal with.”

Wei Wuxian hasn’t exactly had access to a mirror, but he must really look a fright if Lan Wangji’s talking like this. “Don’t worry, Lan Zhan. Ugly as I am, I’m still here.”

“Wei Ying is not ugly. Just injured.”

“Oh, you adorable man. I love you so much.”

Awkwardly, he uses his left arm to pull Lan Wangji down into a hug. Lan Wangji is immediately filled with warmth, allowing Wei Wuxian’s light to chase away all the doubt lingering. The moment is wonderful, until Wei Wuxian’s stomach loudly growls.

“I suppose I’m not allowed to have any hunan spicy beef?”

“Mn.”

“That’s a ‘no’ Mn, isn’t it?”

“Mn.”  

Wei Wuxian pouts, squirming a little. “But Lan Zhan, I could be dead right now! I could perish away without ever having tried anything tasty again! Do you really want me to die on such bland Cloud Recesses food like…? I don’t know, boiled eggplant? Am I worth so little?”

The whining turns into a grunt of pain when he goes to toss a dramatic arm over his head, realizing that it tugs at his injury. Lan Wangji gently replaces his arm in consternation.

“No complaining. And stop moving. I will bring you something light to eat for dinner later. But for now, just go back to sleep.”

“Ugh.” His eyes are already closing, the sedatives in the medicine kicking in. “I’ll see you later, Lan Zhan.”

“You as well, Wei Ying.”

Lan Wangji returns with the rising of the moon, bearing a tray with three steaming bowls on it. Once he helps a sleepy Wei Wuxian sit up, he places a small lap table firmly on the bed and places the tray and cup of medicine on it. Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows rise, questioning the extra flourish.

“Is there a surprise here for me, er-gege?”

“Mn.”

“Okay, let’s see what ‘delicacies’ the Cloud Recesses has provided today!”

Moving very slowly, Lan Wangji lingers over the first lid and pulls it off, unveiling a pinkish broth that stings delightfully in Wei Wuxian’s nose. At the gleam in his eyes, Lan Wangji shakes his head.

“It’s only mildly spicy. A simple broth, as a gift and an apology for working late.”

“My husband spoils me!”

Lan Wangji follows suit with the second bowl, which is just of plain congee. Wei Wuxian makes a face of mild displeasure that slips into nonchalance.

“It’s fine, I can eat it with the broth at the same time.”

“Slowly.”

“Yes, fine, slowly.”

With a quirk of the lips, Lan Wangji lifts the lid off the third bowl, letting it waver close before Wei Wuxian impatiently lifts it himself. When he sees what’s inside, he smacks his lips in disgust, using Lan Wangji’s hand to slam the lid back down.  

“Lan Zhan! Your humor pains me! Is this what you want? To pain your husband?”

Lan Wangji lifts the lid to reveal boiled eggplant, a snort of humor his only admittance to the slight. Lifting his chopsticks, he begins to eat the bland vegetables- one cannot be picky with food. Besides, it was worth it to take the upper hand teasing Wei Wuxian, who was happily sipping the broth Lan Wangji made just for him.

After dinner, he clears up the area and prepares a bath, brushing through Wei Wuxian’s hair as he slowly bathes. Wei Wuxian finally gets to see the extent of his injuries when Lan Wangji recleans and rewraps the bandages- it’s no longer a gory mess due to treatment, but the black veins still spider around the raw, gaping wound. The topical ointment helps to numb the area while treating it, which is nice, but the way the gauze vanishes inside the wound is enough to make him nauseous. Finally, when the entire ordeal is over, Lan Wangji takes him to the bed.

“Is this the part where you ravish your husband, after it has been so, so long?” Wei Wuxian attempts a seductive face as he’s placed down, but when Lan Wangji gives him a blank stare, he sighs and scoots over. “Fine. But you’ll miss me.”

“Of course. Always miss Wei Ying. But you-”

“Yes, I know, I need to heal. You’ve said it.”

Because Wei Wuxian’s laid out on his back, it’s perfect for Lan Wangji to wrap himself around, lying his head on the other side of his chest. It’s warm and cozy, and Wei Wuxian slowly gives himself up to his desire for rest.

“Love you, Lan Zhan,” he yawns.

“Love you too, Wei Ying.”

Forgoing the rules, Lan Wangji rushes through the Cloud Recesses, hoping that his silly husband hasn’t fallen to his death or drowned.

Everything seemed like it was going to go well, today. The boring, repetitive meetings with minor sect leaders and other ambassadors were finished ahead of schedule, and he had time to grade before he teaches classes in the afternoon… followed by more paperwork.

Exciting? No. But it could be handled efficiently, and he could potentially be home before sunset.

So, his heart sank like a rock when a set of harried disciples approached him while he walked to the library, mentioning that they saw Wei Wuxian making excessive noise while splashing in one of the streams. Though their intent in tattling was in disapproval, Lan Wangji thanks them for their notice and quickly left. Eventually he sees a familiar figure in white robes splashing their feet and getting water everywhere, red ribbon tied around a loose, messy ponytail. Lan Wangji’s emotions conflict, whirling through anger, pleasure, and relief, especially when he sees the bright smile on Wei Wuxian’s face.

“Wei Ying.”

Bashful, Wei Wuxian turns with a jump before giggling nervously. His voice is still hoarse, and it is with renewed dismay that Lan Wangji sees Wei Wuxian’s face covered in sweat, his chest rising and falling entirely too fast. He’s exhausted but trying to hide it behind one of his teasing smiles.  

“I was hoping that it wouldn’t get back to you so quickly. So much for no gossiping in the Cloud Recesses.”

“There was no gossip required. I was told directly.”

“Go figure.” Rolling his eyes, Wei Wuxian turns back to the pond with a pout. “Well, I know I’m not supposed to be out here. But Lan Zhan, I’m so glad you joined me! Look! It’s such a lovely day and I don’t want to spend it cooped up in bed!” He uses a nearby frond to poke at the water, scaring any remaining fish away. His eyes are distant as he mutters “This would be such a lovely space for some lotuses.”

Lan Wangji will find lotus seeds. He doesn’t know if they will flourish so high up in the mountains, but if Wei Ying wishes it, he will make it come true. But for right now-

“There is still poison flowing through your body,” he frets. “You have a hole in your torso. It is not safe for you to roam around so freely.”

With a shudder, Lan Wangji realized that Wei Wuxian must have wobbled his way down mountainous flights of stairs, and it terrifies him to think that his love could have gotten dizzy and with one wrong step, fallen down the stone stairs. Or even more fatal, fallen off the side. Wei Wuxian tries again, batting his eyelashes.

“Lan er-gege, surely you’ll let me stay here? Don’t you see how happy your husband is? How the sunlight is doing wonders for his complexion?”

It’s no use; at Lan Wangji’s immovable golden stare, he groans and capitulates.

“Fine. I’ll go back up.”

To add extra flair to his tantrum, he tosses his arms up, but it only pulls at his wound and he groans in pain. With an aggrieved sigh, Lan Wangji lifts him from the water, at the same time unsheathing Bichen.

“Ooh, Lan Zhan, are you trying to seduce me? You know what your strength and sword-play does to me.”

“Wei Ying, please.”

Wei Wuxian’s resulting giggles turn into phlegmy coughs, and he’s silent the entire way to the Jingshi. Once he lays Wei Wuxian down, Lan Wangji turns to warm up the medicine. The green mixture is viscous, and Wei Wuxian makes a face at it.

“Gods, the food here is bad enough, but if this is the medication? No wonder Lan disciples endeavor not to get sick.” Still, he gulps it down. The trek down had been arduous, though in his triumph in making it down, he hadn’t paid attention. However, now that he was laid out in bed, every muscle ached at once. Luckily, the medicine quickly kicks in, and he relaxes. 

“Wei Ying’s complexion is gray. Not healthy.”

Wei Wuxian flinches. “Ouch, Lan Zhan. Just stab me again, why don’t you?”

“I do not mean to insult you. I only mean to tell you that you are still suffering. Please do not push yourself.”

“I can’t stay in here forever, Lan Zhan! The Jingshi is lovely, and there are wonderful views from our bed when I sit up. You’ve brought me ‘interesting’ books, sure. But… I hate feeling useless here. I hate feeling so…weak and idle.”

His voice is desperate, his expression far away. Lan Wangji reaches for Wei Wuxian’s hand and squeezes it. I am right here, the gesture says. Come back to me, Wei Ying. He gets a loving squeeze in return.

“I do not want Wei Ying to feel weak or useless. You are neither of those things. But I also don’t want you to hurt yourself. Whatever you need, just tell me, and I will bring it to you. It’s only temporary, Wei Ying.”

Lan Wangji will never keep Wei Wuxian somewhere he doesn’t want to be. If he desired to move to the other side of the world, Lan Wangji would settle his affairs and accompany him. But only after he heals. Wei Wuxian gives him a thoughtful look.

“Well, I-” He pauses, before sighing. “Of course, Lan Zhan. I don’t want to worry you.” His tone is wistful at the dismissal, but quick as ever, he’s back to normal. “Wait! Don’t you have business to return to? Have I made the great Hanguang Jun late again?”

“You never care if you’ve made me late.”

“Of course I care! I’ve been so good about it lately! I don’t keep you in the mornings anymore, I’ve been trying very hard to be a good wannabe Lan!”

Eyebrows furrowed, Lan Wangji glances at the door before staring back at Wei Wuxian, who rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“Okay, that was just this time! And I promise, I’m not trying to run away. This medicine always makes me sleepy,” he says, yawning. “I’ll be right here when you get home. Okay?”

“Okay.” Lan Wangji kisses Wei Wuxian on his forehead before heading to the door.

“Have fun! Kisses being sent from afar!” Wei Wuxian calls from the other room. Lan Wangji’s lips quirk up into a smile, and he sends his own silent kiss before leaving the Jingshi.

He’s too far gone to ever notice Wei Wuxian’s despondent stare at the ceiling.

A few days later, the walk to the Jingshi is full of trepidation for Lan Wangji. In his arms he carries a bulky incense burner. The symbolism is simple, even potentially auspicious, though the art is somewhat… gaudy. Shoots of green bamboo poke out from every angle, with a multicolored dragon rising from the shoots to devour a smoothly rounded piece of mother of pearl. While Lan Wangji can appreciate what the creator must have been going for, it is clear that the modest Lan sect would not have allowed such a bright and… ‘bold’ piece of art to stay on display for very long.

Okay- Lans should not lie, not even to themselves. The dragon is hideous, misshapen, chunky, and goofy. He is sure Wei Wuxian will find humor in it. He hasn’t been able to visit during the day as much, so he looks forward to his husband’s excitement. When he finally places it down in their bedroom, Wei Wuxian does a double take before bringing a fist to his mouth, chest huffing.

“Lan Zhan! You’re here! And- Lan Zh- no, I’m not going to laugh- Lan Zhaaaan, my love, what is this…lovely gift you’ve brought- I’m not laughing I promise-”

Before long he’s gasping silently, and Lan Wangji takes a step forward in worry before the wheezing turns to loud cackling.

“Haaaaaaa- Lan Zhan, why does it look like that? What the hell is wrong with the dragon? Hahahahaha! Which one of the disciples made this? Was it a-Yuan when he was still a baby? Hahaha- oh I shouldn’t laugh if so! Where’s it been this whole time? Oh, if I had seen this when I was here studying-”

Lan Wangji can’t help but smile indulgently at Wei Wuxian’s effervescent joy, though he still observes to make sure he doesn’t wear himself out.

“It is an incense burner, and I brought it here for you.”

Now hiding behind his sleeve, Wei Wuxian’s eyes sparkle with mischief.

“An incense burner, you say? Oh Lan Zhan, you truly are shameless! I’m injured, and we haven’t had our everyday in so long, so you thought you’d have me another way? Though I’m not sure what sort of visions we could have with something so… ah… interesting… hahahaha…”

“Wei Ying, behave. While we were cleaning out some of the storage spaces, a disciple found it. I have spent a couple days coordinating with the disciples studying it. It is safe. It seems to display memories of the users most prominently, and potentially some lingering memories of those who have used it before. The disciples only reported pleasant memories upon use.”

Curiosity overwhelming his humor, Wei Wuxian peers thoughtfully at the incense burner as Lan Wangji goes to prepare another medicine brew.

“Hm. That sounds very useful. I wonder why they stored it away- surely the Lans were not so vain that the horrible physical appearance made them disregard something so useful?” After a moment’s pause to drink, he shakes his head, whispering “Actually, no. I can believe it.”

It pains Lan Wangji that he can agree. His sect can do much better, and he has been slowly but surely trying to push the GusuLan to be more progressive in its ideas.

“And you’re sure it’s not a sex dream maker? I can’t have visitors over and this thing going!”

Lan Wangji shakes his head. “It is not.” The burning look in his eyes that suggest that he is not above using the other incense burner that they have safely stored away under one of the secret floorboards- it has been a grueling couple of weeks for him as well.

“I brought it so that you might have something to do, while you rest.”

Wei Wuxian holds out one arm, and Lan Wangji goes to sit on the bed. His ears glow red with giddy pleasure when Wei Wuxian begins to ply his face with kisses.

“Do I still look like a fierce corpse, Lan Zhan, or am I finally doing a little better?”

Lan Wangji can admit that after treatment, Wei Wuxian finally looks better in complexion. When he washed and applied medicine to the wound that morning before he left, he found that the wound was no longer a dark, liquid, bloody mess. Instead the dark black veins around the wound were smaller, and blood was finally coagulating.

“Wei Ying looks much better.”

“Great! Go grab the incense sticks!”

Lan Wangji goes to retrieve the sandalwood and eucalyptus sticks, lighting them and placing them inside the burner. The smoke exits slowly through the holes at the top of the bamboo shoots- it’s a pretty display, almost making up for the horrid dragon.

“Do you want to stay? See what it does?”

“Busy. Enjoy yourself, Wei Ying.”

He leaves Wei Wuxian to rest.

------

“A-Xian…”

“A-Xian.”

“A-Xian!”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to open his eyes, doesn’t deserve to, and at the same time wants nothing more in the world to open his eyes, because he knows that voice. That smiling voice that would spoon him her pork rib and lotus root soup, that spoke soothing words as she bandaged him up, or that sang a happy song when he was sad after Madame Yu’s sharp barbs.

“Shijie! I’m still sleepy!”

He finally gathers the nerve to gaze upon Jiang Yanli, who is gently prodding at a grumbly teenage Wei Wuxian.

“A-Xian. Please wake up. You’re helping me go to the market today, you promised.”

With a gasp, the younger Wei Wuxian leaps from bed, speeding to wash his face and get dressed. Of course, I remember this day. Wei Wuxian watches as he and Shijie travel side by side to the entry of their home in Lotus Pier, Shijie laughing and listening astutely while he talks her ear off about something that Jiang Cheng had done.

A sword pops out in front, and Wei Wuxian is quick to parry with Suibian as Jiang Cheng leaps back, spinning Sandu in his hand.

“Wei Wuxian! Do not embarrass me in front of my a-jie! Did you forget I was going too?” he shouts, smirking. Wei Wuxian only returns the look.

“Of course I didn’t forget.” I definitely forgot. “I’d say everything I told Shijie about you, right to your thin face!”

“Thin fa- how dare you? Come here!”

“A-Cheng. A-Xian.”

They immediately break apart at Jiang Yanli’s behest, and she sweetly walks past them.

“You’ll both be leaving soon for the Cloud Recesses, and you’ll be gone for a long time. Now, I can make this soup and dumplings, or you can go a season without.”

“A-jie!”

“Shijie! You wouldn’t leave poor XianXian without your famous pork rib and lotus root soup for so long!”

Jiang Yanli smiled beatifically. “You wouldn’t leave your Shijie without hands to carry groceries, would you?”

Wei Wuxian looked on in awe as the argument was immediately crushed, both boys following behind obediently. He’d always adored his Shijie, and wished she’d been allowed to do more with her natural talents. Forget marrying Jin Zixuan, she could have made an excellent ambassador with her perfect composure.

A week before the Cloud Recesses, huh? Wei Wuxian thinks. Our lives were really about to change.

The memory morphs into a lotus filled lake, bright and in bloom. Wei Wuxian watches his head pop out of the water, followed by Jiang Cheng.

“Aha! I held my breath longer!” Jiang Cheng shouts, jubilant in his success.

“Ah, whatever, Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian teases, splashing water into his face. “But- I bet I can eat more seed pods than you!”

“No you can’t!”

Something pains at his heart as Wei Wuxian watches his younger self and Jiang Cheng playfully compete throughout the day, something akin to regret but not quite there. Maybe I should have let him win more things? I mean, look how happy Jiang Cheng is. I never wanted to make him feel unloved, or unseen.

When Jiang Cheng grabs Wei Wuxian into a headlock, a gigantic, childish smile on his face, Wei Wuxian’s heart thumps painfully in his chest.

I’d do anything for another chance. I guess this will do, though.

-----

In the little time every night he has before they fall asleep, Wei Wuxian divulges to Lan Wangji about what he’s seen so far, how happy he is to be able to remember things that have been fading away over time, and how long it’s been since he felt so happy to remember the good things. Lan Wangji entertains him, but falls asleep exactly at nine as he always does.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t admit to the potent, almost painful yearning for the memories, and how they seem to draw him in more and more with every use.

A particularly dangerous thunderstorm batters the Cloud Recesses when Lan Wangji finally chooses to work from home rather than venture out. Wei Wuxian is ecstatic.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! Since you have a day off, you ought to come see some of my memories, too! Or maybe we can see some of yours!”

“It is not a day off, Wei Ying.”

“Aww, come on! You’ve been working so hard, Lan Zhan. And I’ve been so supportive of it, no worries! But I think it would be fun. And you haven’t-”

When Wei Wuxian cuts off, Lan Wangji turns with a questioning glance.

“I haven’t…?”

“Well… I feel like I haven’t seen you. I know we’re together every night, but things have been blurring together for me.” I miss you. Loneliness darkens Wei Wuxian’s face, and it tugs at Lan Wangji’s heart when he turns away. “Never mind. I’ll leave you alone.”

Lan Wangji pauses momentarily, then quickly stacks his papers in an orderly fashion. He was this close to catching up with the backlog, but it is of no matter. He retrieves some incense sticks and lights them, watching Wei Wuxian’s eyes light simultaneously.  

“Lan Zhan, you’re the best!”

As Lan Wangji lays in the bed, he gives Wei Wuxian a pointed look. “Today. For Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian cuddles in awkwardly, trying to be gentle. “It’s going to be great; I promise! I’ve only had pleasant memories, just like you said!”

-----

When Lan Wangji opens his eyes, it is to a buzzing market full of people. The flags and sigils are in shades of purple, the temperature humid- it must be Lotus Pier.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, did you miss me?”

Wei Wuxian is back in his old body, twirling around freely, uninjured. He quickly grabs Lan Wangji’s hand and races through the townspeople.

“I haven’t been in the thick of the market in so long… It doesn’t even look like this anymore, I bet! Oh- here’s where I used to steal apples! And here’s where I used to haggle with the fisherman! Oooh, do you smell the spices? The people of Gusu would choke if they even took a bite out of those that stand’s beef dumplings over there! I used to buy five at a time!”

Lan Wangji’s heart fills with happiness at the joy etched in Wei Wuxian’s features- an overwhelming, exuberant joy that he feels like he hasn’t seen in a while. Maybe he has missed too much time with his husband- something he never intends to do. Wei Wuxian continues to babble and point at every part of the market until suddenly he stops, leaving Lan Wangji confused in the whirlwind.

“Wei Ying? What is it?”

Wei Wuxian points a shaky finger at a couple walking through the market, a baby holding both of their hands. When the man looks in Lan Wangji’s direction, his breath catches. The man in front of him is almost a carbon copy of his husband, except instead of sharp grey eyes, warm, sea blue eyes sparkle in Wei Changze’s smiling face. He holds a bag full of miscellaneous items, his sword at his side. Beside him, Cangse Sanren speaks down to the baby in the middle. The eyes that Lan Wangji had grown to love were attentively on her child, looking away only to make sure her husband was still involved in the conversation. Her basket was full of treats, a fan on one hip and a sword on the other.  

“A-die! A-die! Look!” A toddler Wei Wuxian holds up a small spicy cake handed to him by his mother and waves his hand over it with excitement. “A magic cake! It will give you more strength! Eat it, a-die!”

Wei Changze took the cake, and after some pretend rumination, takes a bite out of it. Wei Wuxian looks on in amazement when he stands and flexes a muscle.

“Mn. Much stronger!”

“Lan Zhan!” the older Wei Wuxian squeals. “He’s just like you!”

“A-Xian, we have to test it, to see if it worked!” Cangse Sanren grins at her husband, winking. “Let’s see if a-die can lift you into the sky!”

Jumping with glee, little Wei Wuxian holds his hands up as Wei Changze lifts him high into the sky, before placing the giggly baby onto his shoulders.

“A-Xian’s magic worked!” he cries happily, clapping his hands. “A-niang, it worked!”

“So it did! A-die’s very strong, now. There are many things we can do with that.” Cangse Sanren flutters her eyelashes at her husband, who blushes.

“Cangse, think of a-Xian.” he admonishes, placing Wei Wuxian back on the ground.

“Think of what led to a-Xian,” she counters. Both Wei Wuxian’s giggle, though the older was also red from the implication.   

“You’re just like her,” Lan Wangji comments, recognizing that flirtatious glance anywhere.

Wei Wuxian turns, fluttering his own lashes. “Great minds, Lan Zhan!”

Anyone who had ever spread rumor of Wei Wuxian being a bastard child had clearly never looked at both his parents- not their faces, nor their obvious adoration for one another. Not that rumor ever needed truth to spread like weeds, as they both well knew.

Wei Wuxian ghosts in behind both of his parents, hands passing through both as he observed.

“Madame Yu must have truly just hated me. To believe that I- that my mom would- I mean, look at them, I-why would she-” With an aggrieved sigh at his own frustration, Wei Wuxian tries to let it go.  

The traffic around in Yunmeng watched little Wei Wuxian babble non-stop, while his dad simply goes "Mn" and smiles at it all, occasionally asking another leading question. Cangse always entertains his new ideas, even if they're the silly ideas of a toddler.

“Look at that Lan Zhan! Look at my a-die! Clearly, me and my mom both like quiet, striking men! I love to know that I looked just like him! I could never really remember his face as much as my mom’s. He’s so great! And my mom! She’s amazing and so smart- can you imagine the conversations we could have had?”

Baby Wei Wuxian has become restless and whiny over time, and before he can begin to throw a tantrum, Wei Changze again lifts him from the ground.

“A-Xian. For you.”

He hands him what Wei Wuxian recognizes as a Jiang clarity bell. When Wei Changze rattles the little bell, both young and adult Wei Wuxian immediately smile, worries all gone.

“That’s…that’s my clarity bell! Uncle Jiang always said it was a gift!”

The underlying distress in Wei Wuxian’s voice is starting to concern Lan Wangji. Though the memory was something happy, it is evident he misses his parents- and the idyllic childhood that he’d fleetingly had- fiercely.

Before he can voice these concerns, the memory eclipses into something new, and Lan Wangji turns at the babyish sound of giggling. Wei Wuxian turns as well, and gasps lightly.

“Is that a-Yuan? Is that my-”

A-Yuan, newly dubbed Lan Sizhui, is still a little boy of seven years old. He and Lan Wangji are walking hand in hand next to a stream, both shining examples of Lan tutelage in their headbands and proper stride. Lan Wangji knows this memory, as it had held a firm place in his heart and resolve for a long time afterwards. It was rare that Lan Wangji could actually spend one on one time with the boy he’d adopted as his own, but when they could, it was a joy to hear ‘a-die!’ versus the required “Hanguang Jun”.

Wei Wuxian delights at how healthy and happy Lan Sizhui looks, a version that he wouldn’t survive long enough to ever see.

“A-die! A-die!” Lan Sizhui cries, pointing at the water. “There are shiny fish jumping in the water! Can we get closer?”

The Lan Wangji of the memory obliges, firmly holding Lan Sizhui on the slippery stones a little distance into the water so that he can point at the silver bellied fish.

“A-die- have we done this before?”

Lan Wangji cocks his head. “No.”

Lan Sizhui contemplates this, before staring back at the water. “I feel like I’ve done this before. Maybe it was a dream.”

“Tell me about your dream.”

“Well, there was so much water! It was so clear, clearer than this! It didn’t move at all! And there were a bunch of pink flowers with beans everywhere! You could eat them! I think.”

“Pink flowers with… beans?”

Wei Wuxian floats closer, exalting over the child.

“The lotuses,” he chuckles, choked with love. “He’s talking about- about the lotuses. I took him to see them once. I remember now. It was stupid, impulsive, but I just- I wanted to see them, and I wanted him to see something other than that damned death mountain. He remembered.”

“And a-die, the water was so cool! It felt like-” Lan Sizhui playfully goes to leap in the water, cackling when Lan Wangji has to quickly yank him back.

“Lan Sizhui!”

“I’m sorry, a-die,” he laughs, unapologetically. “It’s what I did in the dream! And then, after I got back out, there was this pretty music playing. Kind of like the flute that Uncle plays!”

Unmoving, clear waters. Pink flowers with ‘beans’. Flute. Yunmeng. It only takes the past Lan Wangji a moment to connect the dots.

“A-die? Did I scare you? I’m sorry!” Lan Sizhui anxiously stares up at his now tearful father, wondering if he’s in trouble. “Why are you crying?”

“No. Not scared. Happy.” Wiping his eyes, Lan Wangji gives him a small smile. “Let’s go home, Sizhui.”

Lifting the child back to the riverside, they walk away together holding hands once again.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian asks, gazing upon Lan Wangji’s peaceful expression. “Did that really make you happy?”

“Mn.”

“Why?”

“Because I learned that for a moment, you both had found peace amongst the darkness. That, even though he did not remember if it was real, it was something that made him so happy that it remained. There was a part of you that he cherished, still there.”

The double meaning is not lost as Wei Wuxian’s own eyes begin to sting with tears, and he runs into Lan Wangji’s arms as the memories shift once more. He’s so happy- happy that they’re finally spending time together, happy to share such wonderful milestones. So, it’s a little off-putting when they open their eyes to pitch black darkness. 

For a moment, all seems calm, and then something in front of them engulfs in flame. Men are surrounding the burning home, dragging out a screaming woman.

“A-Xian!” she screams. “A-Xian, run!”

Her voice echoes through night as a sword is thrust through her chest, blood bright red against cruel iron.  

Tension sings in the cold air from the door, leaving the normally placid Wei Changze perturbed as he plays with his son.

“A-Xian. Play over here where it’s warm. Don’t touch the brazier. It’s hot, it will burn you.”

“I’m six now! A big boy! I know not to touch it!”

“You said that last time.”

“…I’m a bigger boy now!”

He affectionately ruffles the child’s hair, Wei Wuxian’s curiosity reminiscent of his wife’s. Placing the child down to roll around on the floor and play, he walks out to their small balcony where Cangse Sanren stands. She is staring up at the moon, pensive breaths visible, tea long abandoned on the railing. Their home in the woods is private, away from the bustling center of Lotus Pier. The views of the sky are among their favorite reason to live out here, and normally she stares in reverence, but today her eyes gaze far beyond the cosmos. When he places a gentle hand on her waist, she startles.

“Cangse, love, what’s wrong?”

Cangse places her head in her hands. “I’m worried about Qinyang. She’s still there, and it’s been what- three years since we’ve seen her? I’m sure that man and his brother are still hoarding her away. I want to see her again. I want to get her and her babies out of there. They can live with us!”

Wei Changze huffs a disbelieving laugh. “We can’t exactly steal a sect leader’s wife and children, Cangse.”

“Well we can’t just leave her there! And sect leader, ha! Lan Qiren practically runs the Cloud Recesses. It’s worse than when you and Fengmian went to learn!” 

Wei Changze purses his lips. Lan Qinyang’s disgrace and Qingheng Jun’s choice was far known, quickly reaching Lotus Pier when it happened. He can’t fully say he understands both sides of the situation, but he trusts his wife’s judgment. He had also been completely ready to challenge Qingheng Jun when he found out how close he’d been to murdering his son, but he’d regretfully had to place his sect, and the needs of his sect leader, over his own murderous desires. He’s about to respond when he sees something flickering in the distant forest, and tenses.

“What? What is it, Changze?”

“Listen.”

When a group of men emerge from the forest, swords gleaming in the moonlight, a dark pit forms in his stomach.

“Cangse,” he murmurs, quiet enough that they won’t hear him. “Grab a-Xian, and run. Go!”  

Cangse leaves, rushing inside as Wei Changze calls his sword and jumps down from the balcony. Sweeping up a basket of necessities, she kneels down to the confused child on the floor.

“A-Xian, we’re going for a walk, okay?”

“Okay, a-niang!”

“You have to be very, very quiet, okay? No noises!” She quickly packs him into the basket, tucking the blanket he squeezes tight around him. “And if I say to run, I want you to run, okay? If I say hide, I want you to hide! Like playing hide and seek! Run as fast as you can! Don’t come out until I call that the game is over, okay?”

“Um…okay!” 

They make it as far as the edge of the forest when she hears her husband’s pained cry. She needs to take her son. She needs to run, find help in the closest place she can.

But she can’t bring herself do it.

She can’t leave anyone else she loves behind.

Placing the basket containing her son down, she uncovers his face with shaking hands.

“Do you remember what a-niang said?”

“About the game?”

“Yes, about the game.”

“Hide, hide right here a-Xian, and do not move unless I say so. I’ll be right back. I love you.”

“Okay! I love you!”  

Kissing him on the forehead, Cangse ran back to the battleground in front of her home. As soon as she’s out of sight, Wei Wuxian crawls out of the basket, mischief on his face.

“A-Xian is the best at hide and seek!”

She sees him on the edge of the forest, only visible because she knows what to look for. She only has a few seconds to make a choice and-

She turns away.

Turns away so that the men look the wrong way. So that her son can’t see the terror, can’t see looming demise in her eyes.

“A-Xian…”

It only takes a moment to realize what this memory is.

Cangse Sanren falls onto the frost, shivering as she bleeds out. Lan Wangji doesn’t see Wei Changze at all, assuming that he’s already been murdered. The men search around the home, before dispersing, sending out dogs. He turns to a stunned Wei Wuxian.

“What…why…why this?” he mutters. “It… it was fine just a memory ago…your memory was happy… they were happy before…what happened?”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji prods. “Wei Ying! We should leave.”

“But I- where am I?”

He dashes into the forest, Lan Wangji on his heels. It only takes a few moments before they find the hysteric five year old, wailing as he runs away from the sound of growling dogs. He only pauses to throw up, heavy breathing choked.

“Go! Go!”

It’s almost as if little Wei Wuxian hears the pleading of his adult self, sprinting through the vomit and into the night. Stressed, Wei Wuxian kneels to the ground, his hands over his ears.

“Wei Ying, enough!”

Grabbing Wei Wuxian and pulling him close, Lan Wangji squeezes him until the memory begins to change again. As the world around them shifts, another, short memory echoes in the background. Another faint outline appears, a familiar shape that Lan Wangji can recognize as his mother.

“Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze are dead,” his father’s voice echoes. “We currently do not know the whereabouts of their child.”

The news is followed by a horrible, ghastly wail of pain, then sobbing.

------

When they open their eyes again, it’s to bright, blinding sunlight. The quiet calm, combined with the rushing of water, let them know that they must be in the Cloud Recesses. They were standing near a tree on the edge of the disciples’ training field, a crowd of people walking away from them.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji gently lets him go. “Wei Ying, are you okay?” The vision of his mother disturbs him, but he is trying to keep it together for the man in his arms.  

Wei Wuxian gulps, nodding. “Yeah. I’m all right. I just need a few moments. I just don’t understand…”

The serenity of the environment allows Wei Wuxian to calm down, though it is clear that he is still affected.

“Wei Ying, I think that we should stop.”

Wei Wuxian waves him off, focusing on the crowd across from them, recognizing the purple sigils.

“It was just one bad memory. A fluke, Lan Zhan. Besides, it’s not like we don’t know I live! Twice!”

When Lan Wangji tuts in disdain, Wei Wuxian quickly redirects.

“I wonder why they’re here,” he wonders, pointing. “What do you think, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji groans in frustrated defeat. “Discussion conference,” he grits out, inclining his head at a laughing group of disciples. Jin yellow and Nie gray uniforms make up part of the group. Even Wen red walks by, which is startling.

“It seems so…peaceful. An entire generation of men from different sects, all who will grow, start, and fight in a bloody war, all of them so friendly.” Wei Wuxian jumps when a familiar face pops out of the crowd. A face that they’d just seen perish miserably only moments earlier.

Cangse Sanren’s face is bright red, smiling from ear to ear as she speedily makes her way toward the disciples’ barracks. She seems to be searching for something low on the ground, Wei Wuxian notes, perhaps a child (perhaps him? Had he been to the Cloud Recesses before?)

Finally, when a woman walks out with two small, pristine Lan children, Cangse halts, taking a couple deep breaths to straighten her face. Wei Wuxian follows her gaze as she nonchalantly strolls forward, and he gasps in delight.

“Lan Zhan- Lan Zhan is that you? Oh, and baby Lan Xichen! Ohhh, you both are so adorable! This must be another one of your happy memories!” His relief is suspiciously superfluous to Lan Wangji, but he finds himself interested as well.

The caregiver flinches microscopically when Cangse happens upon them, as if this was forewarned and to be avoided.

“Madame Cangse, I apologize but I am to take the sect leader’s sons to their-”

“Sect leader’s sons?” Cangse replies, gasping as if genuinely shocked. Before the caregiver can say anything else, Cangse kneels low to come face to face with the two boys. Lan Xichen, at five years old, is already the epitome of congeniality, smiling and attempting the most mature bow he can. Lan Wangji, at two years old, does his best to copy his brother, but the distasteful look on his face cannot be avoided.

“Hello, Madame Cangse,” greets Lan Xichen, picking up on her name. “My name is Lan Xichen. And this is my brother Lan Wangji. It is nice to meet you.”

Cangse smiles as she does as graceful a bow as she can while knelt. “Hello, Lan Xichen. You have your mother’s lovely smile; she’s taught you so well.”

Little Lan Xichen glows with the praise, and baby Lan Wangji’s jaw drops a little at the idea that this strange woman knows his beloved mother.

“And little Lan Wangji, you have your mother’s beautiful eyes. Do they sparkle when you laugh?”

When Cangse reaches to tickle baby Lan Wangji, he scowls. “No!” he wails, pulling behind Lan Xichen.

“Wow, Lan Zhan, even as a baby, so particular,” Wei Wuxian teases. Lan Wangji only stares at his young self, bemused.

“He doesn’t like to be touched,” Lan Xichen comments with the ease of a big brother who has said this many times before. Cangse holds her hands back in acquiescence.

“No touching. That’s perfectly okay! Lan Wangji, I have a little boy that’s around your age. He’s somewhere playing with his a-die. Would you like to meet him?”

“No.”

Giggling, Cangse stands. “Okay. Maybe not this time. But next time, I will teach all three of you to hop like bunnies across the Cloud Recesses!”

Baby Lan Wangji’s eyes widen, tempted by the magic word. “Bunnies?”

“Yes! Do you like bunnies? I do! They’re adorable, quiet, and they hop really fast!”

“…I like bunnies, too.”

Lan Xichen beams down at his little brother, elated that he seems to be taking well to this new person so quickly. “Wangji really likes bunnies- how did you guess?”

“I’m a good guesser!”

(She overheard it from one of the other caregivers, despairing how “the younger of the sect leader’s sons is so smart he can already write his name, but he doodles bunny ears on his sheets!”, and how it would need to be disciplined out of him.)

Before he can ask anymore questions, the caregiver quickly interjects. “Okay, thank you Madame Cangse. We will be late to their lessons, and their uncle will be furious with me.”

Cangse gives a polite bow, thanking the caregiver. “Gods forbid, should Lan Qiren have to wait.” Rolling her eyes, she turns to give a little wave to the boys.

“Be good boys, okay? Do well in your classes!” Locking eyes with little Lan Wangji, she wrinkles her nose and does a small bunny hop. Blushing to his ears, Lan Wangji quickly scoots away to catch up with his brother. She jauntily strolls off in the opposite direction, pleased. Wei Wuxian turns to a still frowning Lan Wangji, pulling on his hand.

“What’s wrong, Lan Zhan?”

“I don’t remember this, yet it seems to be formative for me. I don’t remember anyone ever speaking so positively of my mother. Or speaking of her at all.”

“Well, you were young! It would be hard to remember something like this! I certainly don’t remember coming to the Cloud Recesses at such a young age.”

“Wei Ying hardly remembers his breakfast.” Lan Wangji blithely turns to follow Cangse Sanren, leaving Wei Wuxian aghast in the grass.

“Hey! Lan Zhan!” he shouts, stomping after him. “Your thick face will get you in trouble with your husband one day! Come back here!”

As they walk the sun magically shifts, creating a rolling gradient in the sky until it is slowly replaced with a glowing moon and sparkling constellations. Muscle memory recognizes the path they are on, and soon the Jingshi comes into view, gentians blooming all around it. Two male Lan cultivators stand guard in the front, cold and immovable. 

“Lan Zhan, are you going to be okay?”

Lan Wangji flinches minutely when Wei Wuxian places a hand on his cheek, drawing him down to lock eyes.

“Is it because we are going to see your mother?”

Lan Wangji only nods, before steeling his shoulders.

“I would like to see this memory.” If he’s here, and she’s here…

“Whenever you’re ready. Let’s go.”

Stepping lightly, they realize that Cangse Sanren is no longer alone. A baby Wei Wuxian is firmly wrapped around her back, dreaming peacefully.

“Oh, there I am again, Lan Zhan! I’m so cute!”

“Indeed.”

They watch as she sneaks her way around the back of the Jingshi and onto the roof, moving at an almost exaggeratedly slow pace to the front, before stealthily flipping from the roof of the Jingshi and flinging some sort of powder in the cultivators’ faces. As they cough, she manages to knocks one man out with a firm swing to the jaw, and the other with a kick in the side of the head. It’s over in a matter of seconds, leaving Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji duly impressed.

“She’s so badass! And so smooth, I slept right through it!”

Humming at her own competence, Cangse pries through the locks and slides open the door of the Jingshi, slipping in.

“Qinyang!” she hisses, looking around. “Qinyang, are you here?”

The glowing moonlight on the floor is cast into shadow when a tall, willowy woman steps into the light. Lan Qinyang’s expression is stunned, as if she cannot believe her eyes.

“…Cangse? Cangse, is that you?! It’s been years!”

“Qinyang, it’s really me!”

They rush together in a fierce hug, falling to the ground in happy tears.

“Cangse, how did you get in here?” Lan Qinyang’s golden eyes are molten with emotion. “I didn’t notice a thing!”

“Good- it means I’ve still got it!”

Laughing quietly, they both make their way into the bedroom, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian floating right behind them. Sniffling, Lan Qinyang finally notices the bundle on Cangse’s back.

“And who is this? He’s so handsome. You, with a baby!” She squeals quietly as Cangse unwraps baby Wei Wuxian and places him in her lap.

“Me, right? The girl who used to torment Madame Yu and Madame Jin, settled in with a kid. No one could have seen this coming!”

“You also would braid flowers in our shidi’s hair, and cheer him up.” Lan Qinyang gently teases. “You always had a soft side, Cangse.”

“Aw, I haven’t seen Xiao Xingchen in so long. He had such lovely hair. Anyway, this is Wei Wuxian, my baby boy! And I met Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji today; they’re lovely children, Qinyang.”

Qinyang coos at the sleepy baby. “Thank you. A little Wei, huh? He looks like his father already.” The child opens his eyes for a little bit, widening at the ethereal woman holding him.

“…pretty…” he murmurs, sleepily playing with her hair.

“I loved your eyes even before I knew they were yours,” Wei Wuxian coos at his husband, but he stops when he sees the soft, yearning look on Lan Wangji’s face as he stares at his mother.

“I’m so happy you got to see them, Cangse. I wish you could have been there for their births.” Lan Qinyang’s eyes are filled with an old sadness. “I wish I could see them more often.”

Cangse pouts. “I have heard tell of that. Lan Qiren tells everyone that you’re sick, but I know you, Qinyang. You’re one of the healthiest people I’ve ever met. So much for ‘Lans never lie’, that snake.”

“Cangse! Don’t be so shameless!”

“Hmph.” Cangse frowns more deeply, tossing her hair back, before grinning mischievously. “Speaking of that, your Wangji has Lan Qiren’s look down. I can hear him saying ‘shameless!’ to his auntie already.”

Lan Qinyang (and Wei Wuxian) laughs at the silly impression before sighing.

“She has your number already, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian comments. 

“A-Zhan is such a sweet boy,” Lan Qinyang murmurs, adoration in her voice. “He is just very particular, and yes, very serious. But when he laughs, it’s one of the most wonderful sounds I’ve ever heard.” A small whimper slips from Lan Wangji at the endearment, and Wei Wuxian squeezes his hand.

“They’re both such amazing children, the only blessings that have come out of my imprisonment here.”

“So it is an imprisonment! Qinyang- do you need me to get you out of here? I can grab Changze right now, I can even alert Jiang Fengmian if I have to. No one has the right to keep you here.”

Lan Qinyang shakes her head. “You know I’m married to Qingheng Jun. I am only here under his protection. I can go nowhere.”

“Protec- Qinyang! Is that what you call this? If we’re talking about the same man, the same man who you aren’t in love with, that man seems like he’d be perfectly willing to keep you trapped here for the rest of your life! This is ideal for him!”

“I also refuse to leave without my sons. And if there’s one thing I know about this place, it’s that they’ve already placed the value of the world on those boys’ shoulders. I’d die a step outside the front gate.” Lan Qinyang scoffs bitterly, nose crinkling in disgust. “Lan Qiren practically flaunts them as his own. You know, a-Huan told me that a-Zhan got in trouble. For doodling bunny ears, the way I taught him.”

“I did hear that, amongst two gossiping caregivers. Shouldn’t they be punished for that, too?”

“It makes him happy, and yet they punished him! A baby, for doing things that makes him happy! I can’t leave without them, I won’t leave them here. Not in this place. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, Cangse.”

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji watch as conflict rages in Cangse’s expression, before she finally exhales.

“It’s not okay, but it’s not something we absolutely have to solve tonight. But we will figure something out, Qinyang.”

Lan Qinyang smiles, squeezes onto Cangse’s hands, before gently handing her baby Wei Wuxian to wrap back up onto her back.

“You know what you could do for me, Cangse? Sing that lullaby, the way Baoshan Sanren used to sing for us when we were younger. I want to sing it for my babies, but I cannot remember all of the words. Of course, I’ll never sing it as well as you, but…”

“Oh, nonsense. Come here.”

Lan Qinyang curls up into the space in Cangse’s arms, and Cangse begins to sing a lullaby that both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji recognize deep in their souls. The way Lan Wangji remembers his mother singing the song, her voice was always light and playful, like chimes on the wind. The way Wei Wuxian’s mother sings it, it’s deeper, more melancholy but filled with purpose, reverberating in the spirit. When she finishes, tears are falling down Lan Qinyang’s face.

“Consider it my gift to your little ones.”

The gentle whisper is enough to cause Lan Qinyang to turn, wrapping her arms around Cangse.

“Cangse… Cangse, I don’t want to be alone, I’m sorry, I don’t-”

The door is suddenly flung open, the ladies flinching from the harsh sound of impact. Standing in the shadows, furious expression only half illuminated by the light of their candle, is Qingheng Jun. Upon seeing Cangse Sanren, his sword is immediately pointed. Lan Wangji reaches for his own blade fruitlessly, ready to stand in front of them.

“How dare you break into this home?” he growls, voice low and threatening.

“Home?” Cangse spits, eyes full of fire. “Is that what you call locking up your wife, whom you claim to love so much?”

“You have no right to be here.”

“Make me leave, then!”

“Cangse-”

Qingheng Jun starts forward across the room, every intention to haul her out of the Jingshi. Instead, Cangse dodges out of the way. They weave a deadly dance around each other for only a few seconds before Qingheng Jun’s sword comes dangerously close to the back of Cangse’s neck.

“Cangse, the baby!”

Both Cangse and Qingheng Jun freeze, and Lan Wangji sinks to the floor. The sword is only two fingers away from baby Wei Wuxian’s soft cheek. The agony of the moment only sinks in more when the baby begins to sob, afraid of the sudden movements and the looming threat of the large man with the cold eyes. Alarmed, Cangse slowly turns toward the sword, her jugular now exposed.

“You would threaten my life with my baby on my back?” she whispers, shaking. There’s a deep fear in her eyes where there was not before- she’s been shaken to her core.

“You took down two men with a baby on your back. You attempted to fight me with a baby on your back. The responsibility is yours.”

Still, Qingheng Jun’s eyes flush with unspoken relief when Cangse bows slightly, moving toward the door, Wei Wuxian always facing away from him. Before leaving, she pauses, chin up.

“She deserves better than this. Better than you. I can only hope your sons are better men one day.”

They are better men, Wei Wuxian thinks bitterly as he kneels down to hold his shaken spouse. They’re much better.

Qingheng Jun says nothing, but his eyes carry a clear message- I will not be so merciful again.

When the front door closes, he turns to scowl at Lan Qinyang, who is glaring away with red eyes.

“Have you no respect or love for your role as a mother? For your position here? Think of your own sons and have some self-control.”

Lan Qinyang’s face contorts in rage, though she still refuses to look directly at him.

“My own sons?!” she hisses. “Don’t you dare tell me about how to care for my children! You and your bastard of a brother are the reason I cannot see them! You know nothing about your own children, you do nothing to raise them. You only serve as my jailor- that’s all.”

Qingheng Jun twitches, clearly intending to retort, but he swallows his scalding pride and turns away.

“Security will be increased around the Jingshi,” he stiffly states. “I am only choosing what is safest for you here, Qinyang. I am only trying to keep you alive!”

“I wish you’d let me be killed!” Lan Qinyang retorts, sickened by the new limitations. “Anything would be better than having to stay trapped here with such an unloving partner.”

Lan Wangji watches, ill, as his father recoils at the blow, almost recognizing the pain in his eyes- it’s clear that he does love his mother, but he knows he’s already made a choice- a poor choice- to keep her locked in. It’s a choice he has to live with. Qingheng Jun retreats, locking the Jingshi doors behind him on his wife’s sobs.

The moment the effects of the incense burner end, Lan Wangji awkwardly leaps from the bed, raising a hand to block out the sunset that was now burning into his eyes. Remembering he’s in the Jingshi only increases his anxiety, knowing exactly where the miserable altercation took place. A warm, frantic hand grounds him, and his focus lowers to contrite grey eyes.

“Lan Zhan, I’m sorry, I hate that you had to see that.”

“It’s-” He cannot lie. It is not fine. “No more for tonight.” With no further explanation, he quickly retreats from the Jingshi, from Wei Wuxian. His body is on autopilot when he arrives at the Hanshi. Lan Xichen immediately answers the door, seemingly attuned to his little brother’s distress. Leading him inside, he pours the other half of his pot of tea, allowing Lan Wangji to calm his breathing.

“Wangji, what’s wrong?”

After a few minutes, he finally mutters “Incense burner. Memory of mother and father. Bad memory.”

“Ah.” Lan Xichen is immediately understanding. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lan Wangji doesn’t respond immediately, and Lan Xichen doesn’t push. 

“Do you want to go see the bunnies?”

Lan Wangji opens his eyes, wide and unsure. Do you mean it? he silently asks.

“Let’s go Wangji.”

They make their way to see the bunnies, sitting on a large rock to avoid the mud left from the earlier torrential rains. After debating with himself, Lan Wangji lays his head on his brother’s shoulder. Lan Xichen is filled with a satisfaction he hasn’t felt in a long time, happy that his little brother seems to trust in him again.

“What happened?” There’s no rush. Lan Xichen knows he’ll answer when he’s ready, if at all.

“She was friends with Wei Ying’s mother. They wanted to get us out of the Cloud Recesses. It did not work. Father caught her. They argued and he tightened the restraints around her home.”

Lan Xichen turns, brow furrowed. “This is new to me. Was he violent?”

“Not toward Mother. He threatened Cangse Sanren, and almost- almost ended up killing Wei Ying in the process.” 

“I see.”

Lan Wangji looks away to pet a passing bunny as Lan Xichen privately grimaces. Lan Xichen was always the more gracious, the more forgiving of the two, though recent life experiences have left him a little more hardened. Still, their father remains a sore subject for Lan Xichen, something he kept close to his heart as he endeavored to care for his little brother without spite.

“Did anything happen to Wei Wuxian?”

“We watched Wei Ying’s mother die. And yet he insisted on continuing.”

Lan Xichen kindly resists the urge to roll his eyes. “With everything he’s seen and done, I’m both surprised and not surprised by that.”

That was fair. “The incense burner…it was only supposed to show happy memories. And yet, twice, we saw horrible things. Both memories of Wei Ying’s.” Lan Wangji doesn’t finish, and Lan Xichen knows there’s more than he’s admitting.

“What do you suspect, Wangji?”

Lan Wangji’s lip quirks into a frown, and Lan Xichen knows he’s hit the nail on the head.

“I am suspicious that the effects of the incense burner, and its intent, change with increased use. It already felt like I was being drawn in to the memory, and I only saw the few visions I did. He has been using it much longer, and with Wei Ying’s emotional state, I am concerned.”

“You think the memories are becoming more malicious over time,” Lan Xichen ponders, “and that because Wei Wuxian is prone to extreme emotions, he is more vulnerable to this.”

“Mn.”

“Not to mention, what an abundance of terrible memories! He took on many burdens at such a young age, I can imagine this is only the beginning.”

“Mn.”

Lan Wangji doesn’t want to complain- not only is it a rule in the Cloud Recesses, but it doesn’t feel right. The memory he’d seen of his parents was not nearly as horrifying as watching his own mother die, and yet he still felt sick to his core. 

“It is okay to feel upset about our parents, Wangji.”

Inhaling sharply, he turns to see Lan Xichen smiling warmly at him.

“We were never given the proper chance to mourn our mother. Never given the chance to ask questions we should have been allowed to ask. So it makes sense that it would still be upsetting. It is okay. We are allowed to have this, no matter what others may think of it.” 

The conviction in his brother’s voice calms Lan Wangji, and he relaxes once again into his side. As for the newfound strength and direction in Lan Xichen, he is reminded of what Cangse Sanren had hoped of them. He hopes that they’ve all made her, and his mother, proud. 

The next morning, and one sound conversation with his brother later, Lan Wangji is more… comfortable to return home. Comfortable might be stretching it; guilt is thick in his stomach at the idea at leaving Wei Wuxian alone all night. What if he’s fallen ill again? What if he’s in pain? What if he’s deeply saddened by Lan Wangji’s actions? Lan Xichen had calmly fielded each worry Lan Wangji had.

“Wei Wuxian is going to be okay for one night, Wangji. I can call a disciple to bring him a meal, and make sure he gets his medicine. You can take some time for yourself- you cannot pour into others when you are empty.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes were distant as he advised, and Lan Wangji knew that his words were hard learned.

When he slides open the door, he’s relieved to see Wei Wuxian still fast asleep. He’s sprawled out, his dark hair fanning across the covers. His relief quickly fades to apprehension when he pulls back the blanket to reveal unchanged, sweaty clothes, and a yellowing bandage. Lan Wangji fills their bathtub with warm water, finds new, clean bandages and towels, then returns to gently prod his husband awake.

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying, my love. Wake up.”

“Hrrmm?” It takes a few more pushes before Wei Wuxian forces his eyes open. “Lan Zhan?”

“You did not change last night. I’ve prepared a bath for you.”

Still mostly asleep, Wei Wuxian nods. “I didn’t want anyone else’s help. Damaged as they are, I can’t just share the goods with anyone, you know.”

Lan Wangji lifts him bridal style, carrying him to the tub. “Wei Ying is not damaged goods. But you are covered in grime and sweat.”

Wei Wuxian sighs in relief as his body enters the water, Lan Wangji’s body relaxing in tandem as he lightly sponges him down.

“Wei Ying, I-” He takes a breath. “I must apologize for last night. You didn’t deserve to lay here, uncomfortable and without communication after everything that happened. My brother disagrees, but I feel that I was selfish.”

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “It wasn’t selfish, Lan Zhan. You needed space, and I figured where you were going. It’s okay. I’m happy you and your brother got to see each other and talk it out.”

“You could have fallen into another fever, and I didn’t get your medicine. Your bandages have pus stains. I was irresponsible.”

“I’m fine, Lan Zhan. I am perfectly capable of brewing and drinking my own medicine. My legs aren’t broken! I just didn’t feel like bathing last night, and I certainly didn’t want some poor Lan disciple to have to do it. Though, there was one thing that made me sad.”

Lan Wangji’s heart constricts until Wei Wuxian turns with an exaggerated pout.

“The food had no chili oil! No peppers, nothing! Lan Zhan, they brought me regular Cloud Recesses fare! If nothing else will kill me, that will!”

A small smile breaks on Lan Wangji’s face, and Wei Wuxian beams. He’s almost scared to break the peaceful mood later, while he’s brushing Wei Wuxian’s hair, but his brother’s voice echoes in his head, encouraging him to speak his mind.

“Wei Ying… I want to remove the incense burner.” There. It’s been said.

“Lan Zhan-”

“I don’t know what you were seeing before, Wei Ying. But those memories from last night, they were unhappy.”

“…Those were the only two, Lan Zhan.”

Therein lies Lan Wangji’s anxiety- Wei Wuxian’s nonchalance. “Those were the only two for now. But I have a bad feeling that those were only the beginning, Wei Ying. More might happen over time.” He understands now why the incense burner was hidden. It’s enough to make any man go mad, watching the past, regretting what once was, and yearning for what could have been. He’s done enough of that for one lifetime and wants no more of it. Especially if the results of the incense burner only lead to darker imagery.

“One should not linger in the past. I can return with something else-”

“Lan Zhan! I really think you’re overthinking this. You don’t have to use it; I can understand that you’re busy and it wasn’t…the happiest experience last night.”

“Wei Ying-”

Wei Wuxian turns in his arms, a familiar spark in his eyes filling Lan Wangji with further unease.

“Besides! We only just started; we’re figuring out the kinks. But imagine, what if I could learn to make it only have happy memories? I could see my Shijie, I could see my parents some more! I don’t want to stop, not yet! I’m sure I could figure it out, learn to control the visions!”

“Wei Ying, no!” Lan Wangji’s booming voice is enough to shock them both. Trying to rein himself in, Lan Wangji kneels in front of Wei Wuxian, grabbing his hands intently. “Do you hear yourself, Wei Ying? Do you remember what happened last time you said you could control something that didn’t need to be controlled?”

Scoffing, Wei Wuxian turns away to hide injury at the sting. “This isn’t that, and you know it.”

Lan Wangji gently turns his face back, steeling his resolve for what he was going to say next.

“Wei Ying. I spent my entire childhood frozen, secretly wishing for a mother that was gone and a father to love me. I then spent thirteen years in agonizing regret after losing you, yearning for the past. I will not do so a day further, not while I finally have you. Not when we’re finally happy. This incense burner can stay here if you truly wish it, but I will not.”

When Wei Wuxian sharply inhales, Lan Wangji almost crumbles.

“I didn’t mean- I put you through so much pain, didn’t I- and then all that was painful to see again. I’m sorry, Lan Zhan…”

“There is no need for an apology.”

Quickly wiping unshed tears with his uninjured arm, Wei Wuxian nods.

“Of course, Lan Zhan! I agree. I’m sorry. I know, I know I’m not supposed to apologize.” He clings onto Lan Wangji’s chest, hiding his face. “Of course, you mean more to me than some stupid old, incense burner. I suppose it can stay so I can laugh at it every morning at least, but I promise I won’t use it!”  

------

And so, three days later, in the far corner the incense burner sits. Untouched.

Wei Wuxian is still antsy, the temptation to mess with the tool bordering on addiction. However, he wants to respect Lan Wangji’s feelings. The stupid incense burner just had to malfunction when Lan Wangji came to use it with him- now both the memories and his husband are unavailable. He’s tempted to try again, to see if Lan Wangji’s suspicions are true, but he forces down the thought.

Wei Wuxian is really trying to be well-behaved, and it’s got to be one of the hardest things he’s ever done. He itches to leave the Jingshi, itches run in the grass and jump into lakes at home and see if Shijie would prepare-

Reality hits him like a landslide.

There is no more Shijie. She’s dead, Wei Wuxian! Did you forget that in your little trounces to the past?!

Lan Wangji was right. He’s confused from the traveling. The wave of disappointment is no less painful with the truth, and Wei Wuxian sinks back into his covers, glaring at the wall.

If the stupid fucking poison would just get out of my system, I could go back to normal, he broods spitefully. It’s almost been a fucking month! What type of poison even needs to last that long! I haven’t used any resentment; it should almost be completely gone!

Well, I’ve been a little resentful about being here, but that should be minimal!

A knock on the door interrupts his hateful thoughts, and Wei Wuxian is tempted to tell whoever the poor disciple is on the other side to get lost. In fact, he’s just about to do it when a soft voice calls from the door.  

“Wei-qianbei! We’ve brought you some gifts if you’d like to see us!”

Immediately brightening, Wei Wuxian sits up. “My babies brought me treats. Of course, a-Yuan, come on in!”

Lan Sizhui enters, balancing a tray with a bowl full of something spicy that Wei Wuxian can smell from across the room. Lan Jingyi follows with a small basket of dumplings, placing them down on the table in the room before turning around.

“You wanted to be in here so badly the first time, come on then, Jin Ling!”

A flustered Jin Ling enters the room, empty-handed and fidgeting.

“You! Jiujiu says that… that of course you would get hurt, but you survive everything, so you’ll be fine. And that he’s not worried. And that if you come to Lotus Pier, he’ll break your legs.”

Wei Wuxian bites his lip to hold back a laugh. “Thank you, Jin Ling.”

Bustling past Jin Ling, Ouyang Zizhen bears flowers and little spicy candies from Yunmeng. The little treats leave Wei Wuxian glowing.

“Ouyang Zizhen, you are officially deemed one of my favorite people. I haven’t had these since I was a kid!”

“I was the one who told him about the candies!” Jin Ling cries, clamoring for attention.

“And how’d you know that?”

“Well-” Pausing to rub a red cheek, Jin Ling squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment. “I couldn’t eat one when Jiujiu had them. And he said that when he was a kid, you both used to eat them all the time, that I was just a weakling.”

“If it makes you feel any better Jin Ling, I was there that day,” Ouyang Zizhen offers, nudging him. “Right after he said that he ended up chucking the bag in the water. Maybe they were too hot for him now, too!”

“I doubt that,” Wei Wuxian wryly replies. Still, it warms his heart to think that Jiang Cheng had thought about him fondly, at least for a moment. Lan Sizhui moves forward, slyly brandishing a small piece of parchment.

Wei-gongzi,

I heard you got hurt in battle.

I wish you had told me beforehand. I would have helped too.

I hope you feel better, I’m sure you have great care at Cloud Recesses.

Call me if you need me.

Please.

Wen Ning.

The genuinely kind, if not affectionately exasperated letter makes Wei Wuxian smile, and he tells Lan Sizhui to place it on his desk. Wen Ning was such a wonderful man- even in his state, he was always so mild tempered and kind. Wei Wuxian knew that he would help if called, but he hadn’t invited him on purpose. The night hunt was supposed to be an outing for he and his husband, the first in a long while. Maybe it would have gone better if he had brought along Wen Ning. Just another thing on a long list of regrets he was trying to forget.

His thoughts are brought back by the excited chatter around him, all four boys making themselves comfortable in different spaces in the Jingshi as they toss different topics of conversation back and forth. As Jin Ling noses around the bookshelf, Wei Wuxian grins wickedly.

“If I were you, Jin Ling, I wouldn’t lift up the books in the top right-hand corner. Those are for me and my husband’s eyes only.”

Jin Ling shudders in revulsion. “No one wants to know about what you and Hanguang Jun do! Nobody needs to know that!” Flopping onto the ground, he begins rubbing his eyes to remove the imagery.

“So, what brought you all here today, other than my charming company?”

Lan Jingyi raises his hand, before remembering he doesn’t have to do that to speak here.

“Hanguang Jun! He said that you were likely going to attempt another escape if someone didn’t come visit you, so we all banded together to keep you company!”

Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Jingyi pointedly. “He let you and Lan Sizhui out of class, didn’t he?”

“And here you are, not lonely anymore. It’s wonderful!”

“We contacted Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen as well, thinking that they might like to see you as well,” Lan Sizhui adds. “We were all very concerned about your wellbeing.”

“You’re all so sweet. And Hanguang Jun? Such a considerate husband. I’m undeserving.”

The conversation morphs into many topics, from night hunts, to upcoming discussion conferences, to fighting skills. When Wei Wuxian attempts actively show how to do a certain move, he tugs at his wound and flinches. While the hole was almost mended, the fresh scar tissue was still very tight, scabs still loosening in some spaces, and it seemed like the black veins were not getting any smaller.

Lan Sizhui is immediately at his side. “Did you take the medicine today, Wei-qianbei?”

“No. I don’t need it. The pain is not nearly as acute as it was in the beginning, so there’s no need.”

Grimacing, Lan Sizhui steps back. “I knew that a luóchà’s poison was strong, but to think that it would last near a month… Wei-qianbei, is everything okay?”

The boy was too insightful for his own good- a sort of calm, sharp discernment inherited from both his blood cousin Wen Ning, and from his adopted uncle Lan Xichen. Wei Wuxian could only hope that his feelings weren’t so obvious that his child could so astutely call it out.

“Everything is fine. It’s just that this body, it isn’t very strong. So healing is harder than it used to be.”

Lan Sizhui seems unsatisfied with that answer, but he lets it go. Ouyang Zizhen now waves his hand, seeming nervous yet excited.

“Wei-qianbei, I have a question…if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Go for it, Ouyang Zizhen.”

“It’s been a month, and you are still healing, yes? Well-” He takes a breath, daring himself to continue. “I’ve heard tales of how you vanished for months, and then arrived from the Burial Mounds, still living, more powerful than ever. A lord of darkness, the Yiling Patriarch! How…how did you survive that? Could you not do the same here?”

Wei Wuxian makes a dark face, and Jin Ling is up on his feet, ready to throttle Ouyang Zizhen.  

“Ouyang Zizhen! Why would you even ask that?!” He almost sounds just like Jiang Cheng.

“I don’t even think we’re allowed to hear such a thing here.” Lan Sizhui worries.   

“Lans must be honest always- and I’m honestly curious too,” Lan Jingyi admits. “We never heard anything about it here, but people always spread tales outside of the Cloud Recesses. It’s like having history right in front of us. But- only if you feel comfortable telling us, Wei-qianbei!”

Wei Wuxian shocks them all when he only blinks, the dark look fading.

“No, I don’t think I will tell you.” He smiles, waving them down. “Not because I don’t trust you all, but because no one needs to know about such a horrible time. And, frankly, I can’t remember!”

The juniors are shocked into silence by his hesitation, a trait heavily unusual from such a shameless man. Grinning, Wei Wuxian distracts them with the promise of something else forbidden.

“But, if you four can keep a secret- there’s a jar of Emperor’s Smile over there on the bookshelf- not that one Jin Ling! You can each have one cup only, if you promise not to tell anybody!”

“Wei-qianbei!”

“You scoundrel….?”

“…I suppose you’re not such a lame uncle after all…”

“Oh, okay!”

It takes a bit of cajoling with the Lan disciples, more so with his obedient son.

“I’ll take one sip! Only because I always wanted to know why you drank it, Wei-qianbei. But only that! If the Grandmaster finds out, we are dead!”

One cup is all they need, because soon they are lolling around the Jingshi. Wei Wuxian can’t help but giggle; it’s only one cup, and while no one here is as terrible at holding liquor as his husband, they’re all incredibly lightweight.

“What the hell is this ugly thing?” Jin Ling slurs, disdain heavy. He points to the incense burner in the corner, and Wei Wuxian’s stomach drops. “Clearly the Lans aren’t always perfect, if they make things like this.”

“It’s a sculpture of you, Jin Ling. Can’t you tell?” Lan Jingyi teases, cheeks red.

“That’s it, Lan Jingyi! Today I’m going to knock you on your ass!”

Jin Ling goes to tussle, Lan Jingyi hands up, but Lan Sizhui sweetly stands in the middle of them.

“No fighting in the Cloud Recesses!” Only the red in the apples of his cheeks hint to his inebriation.

“But-”

“No!”

“But he-”

“No!”

Using Lan strength that they forgot their gentle friend had, Lan Sizhui easily pushes them both down into the cushions on the floor.

“You sit there! And be nice!” The pleasant command leaves both boys scowling on the floor, but they don’t move.

Satisfied that no one is worried about the incense burner or his past anymore, Wei Wuxian goes to drink the Emperor’s Smile when it is snatched out of his hand and replaced with medicine.

“Uh! A-Yuan!” he whines. Lan Sizhui corks the bottle and places it back on the shelf.

“You hurt yourself today. You take that medicine.” The threat is veiled behind kind eyes, and Wei Wuxian pouts.

“How are you somehow more stubborn when you’re tipsy? My son is such a good boy.”

“A-die raised me well,” Lan Sizhui proudly states, holding his head high, and Wei Wuxian grins.

“He sure did. None of you are to leave the Jingshi until you are perfectly sober, okay? I’ll leave that to you to handle, a-Yuan.”

“I got it, gege! Now drink!”

The energy in the room dies down as the alcohol wears off, and everyone begins to fall asleep in place. Wei Wuxian is one of the first, tucked in appropriately by his son.

Unfortunately, in their good drunken time, no one noticed that Ouyang Zizhen, wanting to prolong the lovely smell of sandalwood and eucalyptus, had lit a few sticks and placed them into the incense burner.

-----

When next the juniors open their eyes to what looks like hell on earth, they regret waking up at all. 

“Gods, where the hell is this?” Jin Ling asks.

“I… I think we’re in the Burial Mounds.” Lan Sizhui instinctually knows this. Instinctually remembers the chill of the air, and how it didn’t come from the temperature.  

“…Why would we be there?” Ouyang Zizhen questions, voice wavering in fear.

“Um… everyone?” Lan Jingyi whispers. “Who is that?”

The mist parts just enough for them to see an unrecognizable man, tall, his eyes downcast and frozen in horror.

Lan Sizhui manages to creep a little closer, and jolts with recognition.

“Wei-qianbei…? Is that you?”

None of the other juniors recognize him in his original body, but when they look to his side and see the dark flute, they know it to be true. This man is Wei Wuxian, and it seems that he can’t hear them at all. Instead, his head twitches up, watching something fall from the skies.

They don’t have time to look away, only to scream when a body slams into the ground with a sickening series of cracks. Blood spurts from multiple places where the bone protrudes through the skin, seeping through robes. It’s enough to cause Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen to vomit. They watch, frozen, as the body lies there, twitching in agony. Finally, corpse-like, it rolls over and starts to pull away from the area of collision, one bloody, misshapen arm at a time.

The vengeful spirits all around the poor man begin to torment him, barking and snapping like dogs, yanking on his broken limbs, tearing the skin and twisting him in different directions.

“No! Stop! Stop it!” he weeps. “Leave me alone! Go away!”

Lan Jingyi is the first to realize. “Is- is that-”

“Shijie! Shijie, help me, it hurts! A-niang! A-niang!”

Wei Wuxian’s high pitched shrieking chokes off as the resentment pools around him, entering through his injuries and absorbing through his skin, burning through his veins. His sclerae are blood red, his irises flashing from silver to red as he fights being eaten alive.

Before they can blink, it seems that something changes. When Wei Wuxian clenches a fist, the resentment seems to leave his veins, instead centering in his torso.

“How is his golden core taking all this resentment?” Jin Ling demands, shaking as he watches this version of Wei Wuxian suffer beyond his imagination.

“It doesn’t make sense,” Lan Jingyi replies, disturbed as well. “He should be dead, or at least a fierce corpse by now… Now what is he doing?”

“Look!” Ouyang Zizhen whispers, the words coming out in a gasp. Wei Wuxian’s body is no longer on the ground, but floating upward, hanging in the sky like a broken puppet.

“Fine…fine! I’ll do whatever you want! I know you want out of here as much as I do, you want your vengeance as much as I do! So help me! Heal me, let me learn control over you, and I’ll satisfy the bloodlust against the Wens, achieve the vengeance that you all desire! I will personally feed you Wen Chao, Wen Ruohan and Wen Zhuliu’s soul- nothing in the world would please me more!”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes are possessed, his pleas ragged and powerful as they echo across the dead lands. The cruel conviction in his voice pierces Lan Sizhui, who falls to his knees. The Wei Wuxian he knew before was one of justice, but the Wei Wuxian that is suffering here is not much older than they are. To be willing to make that sort of claim, at such a young age, he must have been willing to spill much blood. His Wen family’s blood. And so, he had.

He wouldn’t have- but what if I’d been- but Wei-gege loves me, he wouldn’t-

The stress leaves Lan Sizhui’s head pounding. He needs to calm down; Wei Wuxian had chosen to spare his branch, to save his family, all at immense personal sacrifice.

“We’ve got to get out of here. We don’t need to see this!” Lan Jingyi shakes Lan Sizhui out of his stupor, trying to rally the boys. “Come on, Sizhui. It’s okay.”

He sees Ouyang Zizhen nearby, his head in his knees. “Ouyang Zizhen! Let’s go! Jin Ling- where is-” He can’t find the boy until he sees Jin Ling go punch the older Wei Wuxian in the back of the head.

“Jin Ling, what the hell?!” he calls, frustrated, but Jin Ling is only focused on the now bemused older man.

“…Jin Ling? What are you…?”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Jin Ling cries, all pretenses dropped, “but you better get us out of here!”

Wei Wuxian had been caught up in the dream, too scared to move, only wishing himself awake. But once he sees the juniors, staring at him with a strong mix of fear and apprehension, everything clicks. This is not a dream. This is a memory. The incense burner!

“Shit! Shit! Which one of you lit the incense burner?”

Ouyang Zizhen raises his shaking hand. “I didn’t know! I thought it was just for incense, I didn’t know it would do this!”

Wei Wuxian grabs his shoulders, shaking him roughly. “You have to wake up! We all need to wake up! You must end the dream! Or we’ll be stuck here and trust me, it only gets worse the longer we stay!”

“What do you mean worse?!”

“Ouyang Zizhen! Focus!”

Panicking, Jin Ling punches Ouyang Zizhen in the face, but nothing happens other than a bruised jaw and a fall to dusty ground- the memory doesn’t break.

Gruesome screaming pauses them all in their tracks, and they watch as the Wei Wuxian in the dream is lifted higher, his limbs pulled every which way by resentment. The palpable agony in the screams bleed into them, and before they know it, they are all screaming in sympathy- they want to help, but there’s nothing that can be done. The screaming keens higher until they hear an earth-stopping snap, Wei Wuxian’s neck cracking. His silent body is then pulled into the craterous blood pool underneath him, resentment from the Burial Mounds seeping into the burning liquid.

All four boys are still screaming hysterically. Wei Wuxian falls to the ground, eyes wild as he claws at his temples.

“I didn’t want to remember this. I didn’t want to remember this then, I didn’t want to remember this now! I don’t want to remember this! Make it stop!”

He turns to the juniors, baring his teeth, blood streaming down his eyes and cheeks.

“Well! Isn’t this what you wanted?! To see the great Yiling Patriarch suffer? To see what turns a man into a weapon?! You’re no different than the rest of them!”

He takes a step toward them, hands in fists, and they all step back, hands up.

“No, no, no, Wei-qianbei we wouldn’t do that!” Ouyang Zizhen pleads, watching a clawed hand reach for Chenqing. “Please! You must calm down!”

“It’s no use! Look at him!” Jin Ling calls.

Anyone can see that Wei Wuxian is gone, his mind in overload as emotions and memories he was trying to repress all overflow at once. Before he can do something crazy, the world around them begins to shift, and they are rocked backward as they are forcibly torn from the memory.

Lan Wangji had expected to see Wei Wuxian happily surrounded by his pupils. Or maybe even encouraging a debate between them. Anything other than what he walked in on.

Resentment clogged the inside of the Jingshi, cocooning five twitching bodies. Covering his face, he races toward his guqin on the table and plays Cleansing, clearing the resentment from his home. Racing back into the bedroom, he recognizes a strong smell- sandalwood and eucalyptus. Turning to the corner, he sees a small cloud of resentment surrounding the incense burner, the eye of the dragon burning bright red.

Vengeful, Lan Wangji snatches the incense burner and lifts it high before slamming it onto the ground. Once it is sufficiently shattered, he quickly grabs a qiankun bag and swiftly locks all the pieces inside.

The moment the tool was broken, the juniors wake up in various states of panic.

“Oh gods, the scream, I’m gonna be sick-”

“So much blood!”

“How did anything survive there?!”

The only quiet one is Lan Sizhui, tears pouring down his face.

Lan Wangji wastes no time, calling for Lan disciples to rush to the Jingshi. He tosses two of them the bag, telling them to have two people play Cleansing, in shifts, until he could come dispose of it properly. The rest were to lead the boys to the infirmary, where they would be dosed with a medicated tea strong enough to help them rest for the night.  

Once the boys are calm enough to be led away, Lan Wangji turns to Wei Wuxian in a fury.

“Wei Wuxian! What were you thinking?! You endangered the disciples, you used the incense burner when you said that-”

It is only for the first time that night that he really looks at Wei Wuxian, who rocks catatonically in the bed, eyes unseeing.

“I should have been left there to die, then there’d be no more problems. I should have let them consume me. Why did I live?”

Lan Wangji’s anger is doused with cold worry. He startles when Wei Wuxian begins to scream from the bottom of his lungs, and Lan Wangji rushes to the bed.

Another disciple opens the door to the Jingshi to alert Lan Wangji on the status of the boys, and to see where that horrid screaming is coming from.

“Fetch the sect leader!” he commands, wrapping himself around Wei Wuxian. “Fetch my brother, quickly!”

As the disciple runs away, Wei Wuxian begins to babble.

“Why am I in so much pain? Why won’t they leave me alone?”

“Wei Ying-”

“Where’s Shijie? Is she safe? Shijie?! Where’s Jiang Cheng? He has my core; I can’t let them hurt him! I have to be there!”

Wei Wuxian is in a waking nightmare, kicking his feet and trying desperately to escape Lan Wangji’s strong grasp. At one point he even grabs the end of Lan Wangji’s headband, squeezing tightly and tearing it off.

“What’s touching me? Stop it! Let go!” Wei Wuxian claws at Lan Wangji’s arms, occasionally missing and tearing at the wound on his chest. It only serves to reaggravate the injury, the black veins spidering past the now smaller bandages. Lan Wangji restrains him, pinching the nerve in his back and watching him collapse. The sight isn’t much better; now instead of struggling, Wei Wuxian just hangs limp in his arms, head back on Lan Wangji’s shoulder as he still twitches violently.

“Why him? Why Jin Zixuan?? Out of everyone to kill, he- Wen Qing- Qing-jie, please don’t go, please don’t, free me, Wen Ning, don’t, don’t go without me, it’s my fault, they’ll kill you, they’ll kill you all-”

Qing-jie. Lan Wangji wasn’t aware that Wei Wuxian had genuinely begun to see the Wens as family, but why wouldn’t he? Family was built through circumstance for Wei Wuxian, not blood.

“Shijie! No! Shijie, I’m sorry, Jin Zixuan, he- it’s my fault- Gods, I don’t want to see this anymore, I don’t want to see it, let me out- No!”

He releases a bloodcurdling scream, followed by a small whirlwind of resentful energy. It moves like a hurricane around both, and Lan Wangji remembers exactly what he’s seeing right now. Brother, please hurry!

As if summoned, Lan Xichen arrives, Liebing in hand as he tries to speak over the wind.

“I sensed resentment all the way from the Hanshi! Wangji, what’s going on?”

“He’s having flashbacks!” Lan Wangji pauses as another wave of resentment is released. “I need you to play Clarity for him, now!”

Lan Wangji isn’t heartless, he knows how heavy of a request this is.

“Wangji, I’m-”

“Please! I’m sorry Brother! I cannot let Wei Ying go right now!”

“Lan Zhan…”

The resentment dissipates for a moment, and they breathe in momentarily relief that Wei Wuxian might be calmed down.

“I’m right here, Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan… please don’t go…” he wails, face scrunching with tears. “Come back…I take it back… please don’t leave me, I’m scared… I’ve got no more reason to live but I don’t want to die alone…come back…come back…”

The resentment starts to build up again, stronger than before. Lan Wangji’s own burning tears pool and he lays his head down on top of Wei Wuxian’s, squeezing him tight.

“Wei Ying I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you.” The devastated words are over a decade too late, but Lan Wangji feels the need to say them, to say what he should have said a long time ago. “Xichen, have mercy… please don’t make him relive this. Please don’t make me relive this, I beg you.”

A calming rendition of Clarity begins to play, funneling powerful, pure cultivation energy into the room and forcing the resentment out. It’s enough to bring Wei Wuxian back from the brink, whimpers fading, and a few repetitions later he falls into a deep sleep.

“Brother?”

Lan Xichen finishes, lowering his flute.

“Yes, Wangji?”

Lan Wangji’s loose hair floats over his husband, almost shielding him. He is exhausted from stress and the dark energy, and he falls back onto the bed with Wei Wuxian in his arms. The words slip out as an exhale as he falls asleep.

“Thank you.”

The next morning at 5am, Lan Wangji awakes to find his brother inside the Jingshi, pouring tea and straightening up the rooms. Wei Wuxian still lay silently underneath him, expression clear.

“You both should have had good rest; I’ve been here playing for you all night. I just paused to pour tea and lay out a meal, because I knew you would wake shortly, Wangji.”

After tucking Wei Wuxian back in, Lan Wangji retreats to clean himself and dress. They share a meal, silently as required, and then Lan Xichen sighs.

“We will need to go to the infirmary, once you are ready. Sizhui has been asking after you all night, it seems. Both in his sleep, and now that he is awake.”

“Mn.”

“I will leave someone here with Wei Wuxian, to continue to play for him until he awakes. There is no need to worry, but the sooner we leave, the sooner you can return.”

Lan Wangji relaxes only minutely. He doesn’t want to leave his son feeling ill, but he also doesn’t want to leave his husband in the care of a stranger, should something else happen.

“Thank you, brother. For everything.”

“Of course, Wangji.”

After one final check on his husband, and directions left to immediately find him if something happens, Lan Wangji follows Lan Xichen to the infirmary where the four juniors all lay in bed. Three of them are still seemingly asleep, but Lan Sizhui sits up and stares out the window. When they enter, he moves to bow before Lan Xichen waves him back down.

“No need. Please, sit.”

Lan Sizhui smiles gratefully when Lan Wangji pulls up a bench and sits nearby, and he lays back down.

“You called for me, Sizhui?”

Lan Wangji recognizes the small fidgeting of the hands as a nervous tic that Lan Sizhui has not done since he was little, trying to understand the rules and fit in as a new disciple. Usually this was followed by a tightly hugged thigh as he tried to calm down.

Waving Lan Sizhui closer, he pats his knee, and Lan Sizhui places his head on Lan Wangji’s knees, silently sobbing. Lan Xichen looks on sadly at the boy’s distress.

“Did you want to tell Hanguang Jun and I what happened? Is that why you called for him?”

Lan Sizhui nods, and Lan Wangji can’t help but wonder- they’ve seen things of a graphic nature before, it’s part of the role, so what was it that they saw that was so upsetting? Once Lan Sizhui calms down, he begins to talk. He speaks of how they all had a cup of Emperor’s Smile, and of how they ended up in the memory.

“Hanguang Jun… Zewu Jun… Did Wei-qianbei ever tell you both about when he was in the Burial Mounds?”

Both men pale; so that was it. Wei Wuxian, talkative as he was, never shared that part of his life with anyone. Not that Lan Wangji hadn’t asked and been blithely refused.

“He did not, Lan Sizhui,” Lan Xichen replies.

“It was horrible Uncle, a-die,” Lan Sizhui murmurs, voice emotional as he slips into the endearments. “We only saw…we only saw the first few minutes, and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. And he was there for months, according to the stories.”

“Gods, the way his bones tore through his skin, how they poke out through the clothes, I can’t- I can’t see beyond it! I want it out of my head!” The new voice makes them turn to see Ouyang Zizhen quietly wailing, squeezing his palms to his eyes as tears roll out from behind them.

“His bones tore through his skin?” Lan Xichen asks, disturbed.

“He fell from a far height, and when he hit the ground, it was like watching bamboo splinter,” Lan Sizhui explains, gripping Lan Wangji’s knee tighter. “The resentment…it tore at him like wild animals. Literally limb from limb.”

Lan Wangji flinches as he remembers the way Wei Wuxian had returned, thin, covered in a haze of resentment. Was his fear so much that he’d missed any signs of pain? Limping? Scars?

“I can see why he hates dogs, if that’s what it turned into for him.” Jin Ling’s comment is terse, but the way his hands fist at his side while he glares at the ceiling reveal how upset he is.

“Gods, and the way he screamed-” Lan Jingyi’s hands shake over his ears. “I’ll never unhear how he screamed. And there was nothing we could do- we just had to watch as they tortured him.”

A shudder ripples through all the boys in the room as they try to get the horrible sound out of their ears.

“Why would he want to use a power like that? A power that played with him as it tried to kill him?” Ouyang Zizhen questions. “He knows firsthand just how terrible it is- why would he choose something like that?”

“Because he wanted to kill my family,” Lan Sizhui gurgles through tears. “Because they’re the ones who put him there. They did so much…they threw him down there; he swore that he’d kill them all…and then they all suffered from the power they helped create. He suffered all of that because of us…and then later…he suffered even more…”

Lan Wangji has heard enough, and he gathers Lan Sizhui more firmly into his arms.

“It was never your fault, a-Yuan. He wouldn’t want you to feel guilty- none of your family would. He made the choices he did on his own. Trying to save your family, saving you, is something that he will never regret. You and your family are nothing like Wen Chao and his ilk. You, most of all, brought him happiness in his final days.” Lan Wangji knows this for sure; he knows that Wei Wuxian would never regret choosing Wen Ning, helping the Wen castaways in the Burial Mounds, saving Wen Yuan. What he regretted was failing- or what he felt was failure.

Lan Xichen gives Lan Wangji a pointed look. These words were very similar to ones he’d said over a decade ago when Lan Wangji was laid face down in his own tears, covered in bleeding whip wounds and a searing burn on his chest.

“The energy was killing him,” Jin Ling continues, his thoughts tortured. “It was uncontrollable, yet he made it do what he wanted. If he could do that, why couldn’t he-” Why couldn’t he have healed my father? My mother? he thought. Would they have even survived it? Would they want to? I don’t know…

Neither Lan Wangji nor Lan Xichen have answers, answers that the entire cultivation world has pondered at one time or another. What Lan Wangji knew was just how much Wei Wuxian hated Wen Chao for his crimes, how strong and willing he was to protect those he cared about, and his conviction to serving justice- no matter how that justice was served.

“Do you all really want those answers?” Lan Xichen begins. He holds up a hand when Lan Wangji frowns at him. “Do you all really want to ask those questions, seeing how Wei Wuxian reacted upon those memories? Because I am sure there is an answer, but I am not sure it would be wise to pry. When he's ready to discuss it one day, he will. And not before.”

If even discussing the memory, combined with a malicious spiritual tool, caused this much of a backlash in Wei Wuxian’s mind, the juniors were at a loss on what the rest could cause. Maybe it was better that the past remained that way. They all quietly accept Lan Xichen’s words and curl up deeper into their sheets when he stands up.

“All four of you are to remain here to rest a little longer. Disciples will play for you, to help clear your minds and cultivation. Lan Wangji?”

Lan Wangji nods in assent, and with one final squeeze Lan Sizhui lets him go.

“Can-” Jin Ling pauses, biting his lip. “Can we visit him? When he is awake?”

Later, the four still-exhausted boys come back to formally apologize to Hanguang Jun and Wei Wuxian, who is sitting outside on the steps of the Jingshi. The latter has been noticeably cold, especially to the former ever since he woke up, but he tries his best at a warm face when the juniors come to him.

Ouyang Zizhen is extremely apologetic, almost to the point of hysteria.

“I am so, so sorry Wei-qianbei! All of this is my fault, for asking, for lighting the incense, everything! I should have never said anything, I didn’t mean to put you through this!”

Wei Wuxian smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I should have mentioned that the incense should not have been lit, and I definitely should not have offered you all something to drink while in the Cloud Recesses. This is all on me, Ouyang Zizhen, so please breathe.”

Still capitulating, Ouyang Zizhen only leaves the Cloud Recesses after he promises to return with nothing but candies and good news, and after being assured that he was still welcome to go on night hunts with everyone else.

Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui are a little more subdued, dreading writing lines while doing handstands- twice. Lan Sizhui is still shaken; even his small remaining memories of the Burial Mounds are not of the monstrosity that he witnessed, and he’s not sure what he can do to show his appreciation. As for Lan Jingyi, he is unusually quiet, only staring down at the dirt. Both seem incredibly nervous to approach him, but when Wei Wuxian opens his arms, they rush in to hold onto him tightly.

“I’m so sorry Wei-qianbei! I’ll never complain on night hunts again when I’m tired!”

Wei Wuxian chuckles. “Okay, Lan Jingyi. I apologize as well; I’m so sorry you all had to see something like that.”

He looks directly at Lan Sizhui, recognizing the guilt in his eyes.

“Wei-qianbei…Thank you. I know I’ve thanked you before, but I can’t thank you enough for what you did for me. For everyone in my family… for what you suffered…”

“Don’t worry about it, a-Yuan. If it meant keeping you, and everyone I loved safe, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. That being said, please don’t make me!”

It’s a joke, but it falls flat as Lan Sizhui takes his hands.

“Wei-gege…please take care of yourself. I know I can’t ask you not to use your powers, but… I don’t want you to suffer anymore.”

Jin Ling is the last to approach, a frustrated scowl on his face. He is being sent home, with a letter already sent to Jiang Cheng to alert of his condition. His normal, bossy demeanor has been peeled back to show the little boy that he really is, and when Wei Wuxian holds onto him, he holds on a little longer. This might the hardest apology, because there’s nothing that Jin Ling really needs to apologize for- it’s Wei Wuxian that holds the heaviest regrets. He has no words to express how sorry he is, both to Jin Ling, to Jin Zixuan, and to his Shijie.

“When you see Jia- when you see your uncle, you hold on to him extra tight, okay?” he whispers. “For me. But don’t tell him I said that, or he might try to double break your legs.”

Jin Ling is sniffling as he pulls away. “No more broken bones. I’ll run away again before that can happen. And I won’t let him break your legs either! So, you get better, and then the next time you go on a night hunt I’ll be there, and nothing will happen!”

“I look forward to it, Jin Ling.”

Though they are shaken now, it’s clear that the juniors will heal. They will also never forget how terrifying resentful energy can truly be and have a newfound respect (and fear) of Wei Wuxian. As Jin Ling finally scurries out of sight, Lan Xichen walks into view and Wei Wuxian bows.

“Zewu Jun! I want to apologize for causing you stress, as well as thank you for your support last night. Your aid was truly indispensable.”

The formal apology has Lan Xichen raising an eyebrow, but he bows in return.

“Thank you for the kind words. I must admit, I am a bit tired; I haven’t used that much energy in a long time.”

Lan Xichen sees his own exhaustion echoed in Wei Wuxian’s face and remembers how traumatized both he and Lan Wangji were moments before he chose to play. He’d been there, in those last moments as Wei Wuxian perished, and could never bring himself to tell Lan Wangji how gruesome it had been. To see a man live through that again, and to see the agony on Lan Wangji’s face as there was nothing he could do about it- well, this time, he could do something- as far too late as it was.

“You know, Lan Xichen,” Wei Wuxian starts, a smirk on his face, “we ought to share a bottle of Emperor’s Smile sometime, without the trauma.”

Lan Xichen can only return the wry look. “No drinking in the Cloud Recesses, as we’ve seen. But, perhaps, we could visit Caiyi and discuss some things.”

Wei Wuxian grins, going to stand and subtly brushing off Lan Wangji’s hand when he wobbles. “Ooh, I like this new face of yours.”

“Mn. I’ll leave you both to it.” Lan Xichen’s eyes narrow at the cold, brusque manner with which Wei Wuxian is treating his brother. If it comes to it, he will be back- and with sharper words. Bowing, he leaves, and Lan Wangji helps a stubborn Wei Wuxian to the bed.

“All right, let’s do this. What’s my punishment, oh dearest Excellency? Shall I be locked in this house for yet another month, reading and writing the new rules, to repent while only eating 5 grains of rice a day?”

He tries to hide the wince when he gracelessly falls onto the bed, and turns away.

“I’d tell you to get lost, Lan Zhan, but we both know how well that turns out.”

“Please don’t say things like that, Wei Ying.”

“Then I just won’t say anything at all! I’ll just stay in here, never make a peep, and eventually die of old age or perhaps alcohol poisoning if I’m lucky. Wouldn’t that be so satisfying?”

“Wei Wuxian!”

“What would you care? So long as it doesn’t bother your oh-so-important duties, or betray even more of your Lan values to worry about the resentful bastard in your house? Get over yourself, Lan Wangji!”

Lan Wangji knows this temperament of Wei Wuxian’s, where he says things he does not mean. He knows that if he takes the wrong step, if he says the wrong thing, they might have a repeat of before. He knows what to do now. So, he swallows his own anger and righteousness, and sits on the bed. Before Wei Wuxian can demand he leave, or leave himself, Lan Wangji loosens his headband and places it into the other man’s hands, squeezing them tight.

“Wei Ying held onto this, last night. Haunted, screaming and thrashing, you held onto this, as if you knew that I was there. This headband belongs to you, because I belong to you, and caring about you and loving you will never be a betrayal of my values. So please don’t push me away, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian’s lip quivers, scowl breaking before he turns away. “Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan you can’t just say things like that, I’m mad at you, I’m supposed to be mad at you!”

“Wei Ying can be mad. But you cannot push me away.”

Lan Wangji is worried that he’ll have to do more convincing but is elated when Wei Wuxian leans into his chest with a tired sigh.

“I don’t know what to say. Last night… the incense burner… it made me see so much more than I ever wanted to see again. Even when it was broken, I still kept seeing.”

“You were holding it all in.”

“Yeah. I haven’t wanted to think about any of it. Last night was the first time I saw it all so vividly since…since they happened, I suppose. I really did my best to push down what happened when I…vanished. I can’t believe I’ve been sitting on everything that much.”

Lan Wangji isn’t sure what to say, but Wei Wuxian saves him the trouble when he takes a deep breath.

“Lan Zhan…can I tell you something? Can I just let it all out?”

“Anything, Wei Ying.”

“Once I’m healed… I don’t want to stay here in the Cloud Recesses anymore.”

It’s not necessarily surprising, yet it still hurts a little to hear.

“I’ve been so angry being in here, Lan Zhan. Lan Sizhui even noticed it with my wound- that part of the reason this damned injury hasn’t finished healing is because I keep stimulating the poison with my stupid, crushed down resentments about so many things. I keep pretending, Lan Zhan. I keep trying, I’ve tried to ignore how I feel, I’ve tried to fit in, to be better behaved for the sake of your position, because I want to do right. Because I want to stand by you, Lan Zhan. I want to be worthy of it. But- I don’t think I can.”

“I know you’re busy, that even now you’re cleaning up after Jin Guangyao’s bullshit, both here and in the cultivation world, and I am so proud of you Lan Zhan. Like really, you have no idea how horny it makes me to claim that Lan Wangji, a Jade of Gusu, the great Hanguang Jun, our Chief Cultivator, is my husband.”

“Wei Ying.”

“It’s the truth! But… at the same time… it’s selfish, I know, but Lan Zhan- I miss you. I’d been missing you even before the memories, but after seeing those, it only reinforced how much I dream about having that small house, like my parents. To get away from the politics of this world, for it to just be me and you. And even more selfishly, I haven’t even been touched by you, not in the ways I’ve needed, in weeks because of this stupid injury, which only happened because I asked you to come on that night hunt when I should have just went myself. Or taken Wen Ning, like he said.”

Lan Wangji watches the guilt and shame tear across Wei Wuxian’s expression.

“And so, once we weren’t having our everyday, other insecure thoughts started to happen. I started thinking that you fell in love with the handsome, roguish Wei Wuxian, even at my lowest, and I’m not that anymore. I started to think you were bored with me, bored with how I wasn’t following rules or how much I was bothering you. I was trying to pull back, Lan Zhan, but I can’t help it. That day when I stumbled down all of those stairs- which made me very sick, you were right- I just wanted to tease, so that you would come out, just for a little bit. Being here, all day, it just made thinking worse. And I think the incense burner took advantage of that. Of all my loneliness, my resentment, and my fears and just threw them in my face. I’m already a broken man, Lan Zhan- it was all just a terrible combination waiting to explode.”

“Wei Ying is beautiful, and not broken.”

“Are you kidding me, Lan Zhan? Look at me. I’m so broken I’m a completely different person. Hell, you didn’t even see what they saw-” He cuts off to shiver. “I didn’t take care of the me before, and that was a much better body. I finally have my ability to cultivate back, and yet I’m still weak. I’m going to age faster than you, Lan Zhan, and between that and the type of luck I have, I’m probably not going to last much longer.”

“Wei Ying-”

“I’m not afraid of death, Lan Zhan. But I am afraid of leaving the world, again, without having lived somewhat of a happy life that I imagined. And if that conflicts with what you want, or with what you need Lan Zhan, I understand. I just…I can’t stay here. Not permanently. Not with how I’m feeling.”

Having finally gotten everything off his chest, Wei Wuxian deflates.

“Wow. That feels so much better. Even the wound feels better. I can breathe. Sorry if that was a lot. And sorry for- for not telling you in the beginning. It would have been smarter to communicate; you’d think I’d learn that. Anyway, I’m done.”

“Mn. Are you sure?”

“Huh? Yes, what do you mean-”

Gently wrapping one arm around Wei Wuxian’s back and another firmly in his hair, Lan Wangji pulls him forward, crushing their lips together in a relentless kiss. Pleasantly surprised, Wei Wuxian parts his lips, allowing Lan Wangji to surge in even further. Lan Wangji feels a hand skirting up his back, before fisting desperately in the cloth. When he wraps a leg around Lan Wangji’s waist, Lan Wangji moves his hand from Wei Wuxian’s hair and to his thigh, squeezing tightly. They kiss like this for a long time, though Wei Wuxian is still incredibly on edge from the lack of friction as Lan Wangji holds his leg still, and he whimpers. This only leads to Lan Wangji pulling away, leaving Wei Wuxian chasing after his lips.

“Lan Zhaaan, don’t stop!” But Lan Wangji shakes his head.

“I will lose control.”

“Please do. It would be the best thing to happen to me in the past month.”

“I need to apologize to Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian pouts, folding his legs on the bed. “You sure do. Getting me riled up like that and then not finishing. But go ahead, Lan Zhan. I’m listening.”

Lan Wangji takes a breath, offering all on his mind.

“Wei Ying is the most important person to me, and should have never felt so lonely from me that you felt the need to return to the past- to yearn for things you could not have again, when I was right here to comfort you and offer you the future. You will never inconvenience me, Wei Ying, and I should have noticed sooner that you were upset. I apologize.”

“I will never trap you here. Not in the Jingshi, not in the Cloud Recesses. We have seen what that results in, and I would never want you to feel that way about me.” His father’s heartbroken eyes and his mother’s demoralized eyes flash through Lan Wangji’s mind. “If Wei Ying wants to leave, you have my complete support. If you need to go, for better healing from your past, even if only because you want to, I encourage you. You will not perish early, not again. And, if you wish it, I will ensure that because I will follow right behind you. There’s nowhere else I would rather be.”

“But- your work-”

“Does not mean more to me than you. Has never meant more than you. Wei Ying knows that this position was supposed to be temporary. As for your other needs- I did not want to put you at risk of any more pain. It has been difficult for me as well, not touching Wei Ying in those ways. I was afraid that if I even put myself in temptation’s way, I might- might harm you.”

Wei Wuxian’s adoring face twists into a mischievous grin.

“Lan Zhan… So you’re telling me, this whole time, the way you’ve been digging into work and being completely pious afterwards was not because you were tired of me, but because you were afraid you’d fuck me back into sickness?”

“Wei Ying!”

“Pop a stitch or two?”

“Wei Ying!”

“Because it would have been worth it, Lan Zhan!”

“It would not!”

“It’s not even on my legs, Lan Zhan. It’s in my shoulder. We could make it work!”

Lan Wangji’s ears burn intensely. “Wei Ying, you scared me that first night. I keep ending up in situations where it seems like I might lose you- I will take no chances, even if that means repressing us both. A stab wound is no easy matter.”

“Hmm…I like my answer better, Lan Zhan. But I appreciate you. What about our other incense burner?”

“Not like the real thing. Wanted the real thing.”

Wei Wuxian moans, furthering Lan Wangji’s flush. “Oh, you have no idea what it does to me to hear that.”

“Wei Ying. As soon as your wound is fully healed, we will leave here. I promise. But for now- what would bring you the most peace?”

“Lan Zhan-”

“I am serious, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian contemplates his answer, eyes darting here and there while he determines what he wants.

“I want a few things. First, I want my husband to make love to me, under the stars, in real life, uninterrupted by the restraints of the Cloud Recesses. No duties, no titles, just space. We can come up with some modification.” Lan Wangji’s heart pounds as he continues. “I want to officially retrain, to cultivate again, but I don’t want to do it under prying eyes. I want to build or buy that little home I always dreamt of, somewhere in the woods for privacy, and do it out there. I won’t make you stay out there with me- this is your home, of course. But that’s what I want.”

A couple days later, Lan Wangji neatly packs blankets, a tent, water, medication, and some other tools into a bag, as well as a smaller pouch containing oil and towels. A doctor has checked over Wei Wuxian’s injury and determined that it is safe for him to travel.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! The veins are gone! Now it’s just regular old healing to do, and the doctor said that will take a longer time of rehabilitation. But, if we’re just going on a trip, and I’m not doing any fighting or using too much of my ‘powers’, I’m okay! Of course, she didn’t know what the ‘trip’ was, but that’s fine.”

Snorting, Lan Wangji sweeps him off his feet onto Bichen and they fly high over the Cloud Recesses. The sun is setting when they land somewhere on the other side of the mountains. This place is perfect, Wei Wuxian marvels as he looks at the view. The outcrop they’re on overlooks the grass plains in the valley, with a broad view of the cloudless sky that is slowly unveiling the stars.

Wei Wuxian spends so much time staring at the stars that by the time he remembers to help, Lan Wangji has already set up the tent, lit a low fire, and laid out the blankets onto the grass.

“Lan Zhan! Why didn’t you tell me to help you?” he asks, laying into Lan Wangji’s open arms.

“Wei Ying was looking at the stars. Didn’t want to interrupt.”

“The view is amazing! When did you even find this place? Did you just happen to find this?”

Lan Wangji shakes his head. “A long time ago. While Wei Ying was gone. Always wanted to bring you.”

“Aren’t you romantic?” Smiling, Wei Wuxian grabs Lan Wangji’s chin and brings him in for a drawn-out kiss, leaving them both winded as Wei Wuxian turns to grind up against him.

“Want Wei Ying to know-” Lan Wangji pants, “that you are beautiful, handsome, roguish, that you are loved no matter how you look. That I love you, body and soul.”

“Oh. You don’t have to-”

“I do,” Lan Wangji growls, nipping down Wei Wuxian’s neck as he smoothly removes his robes. “Fought so hard to get Wei Ying, to keep Wei Ying. Won’t let you convince yourself I don’t love you.”

Wei Wuxian moans as a cool tongue laves around his nipple, a strong hand supporting his back as he arches forward.

“Ahahaha, Lan Zhan… you know I get shy when you say wonderful things like that. I swear. Every little thing you do, it just makes me want to hold on to you forever and not let go.”

Wei Wuxian shifts, and suddenly he feels both his and Lan Wangji’s pulsing lengths in his hand.

“So don’t.”

With a whimper, Wei Wuxian leans forward as Lan Wangji takes his hand and begins moving it up and down, while still holding onto his neck to leave more pleasurable bites. A few shuddering thrusts later, and Wei Wuxian is placing a fervent, sticky hand on Lan Wangji’s now exposed chest.

“Lan Zhan…Lan Zhan I’m close, I don’t want to finish like this, not yet. When did you even get undressed?”

Lan Wangji pulls back. “Wei Ying doesn’t pay attention. What would you like to do?”

“I want to see the stars, Lan Zhan. I want you to open me up, then let me see actual stars as we come together.”

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Lan Wangji lays Wei Wuxian onto the blankets and finds the jar of oil.

“Tell me if it hurts. Both for your injury and-”

“I will, Lan Zhan. Please- it’s been so long, and I want this so badly.”

Nodding, Lan Wangji slicks up a finger and the area around Wei Wuxian’s entrance before pushing in. A couple grunts later, and Wei Wuxian begins to relax around the thrusting.

“Gods, I hope our love never gets boring. In fact, I won’t let it. Between me and you, I always want to find new, interesting ways to show love.”

“Mn. I agree.”

“I mean, look at you. I’m making love to a god on earth, I never thought I’d be so lucky in either lifetime.” Wei Wuxian is serious- his husband’s pale skin is ethereal in the moonlight, his golden eyes sparkling just as much as any of the other stars in the sky. His hair flows on either side of Wei Wuxian, and he reaches his left hand up to hold Lan Wangji’s face. He sighs when Lan Wangji kisses his palm, adding a second finger.

“I am the one who got lucky with Wei Ying.”

“Currently, yes.”

Wei Wuxian snickers when Lan Wangji closes his eyes to hide the eyeroll, but then quiets as he continues.

“All I ever wanted is right here,” he whispers, lowering himself to Wei Wuxian’s ear. “You are more than what you think of yourself, you mean the world to me, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian can no longer tease, too busy breathlessly writhing underneath expert touch. He gasps again when a third finger is added, and Lan Wangji begins to aim his fingers toward a particular spot.

“Lan Zhan-right there, yes-” He wants to reach both arms to grip Lan Wangji’s biceps, but Lan Wangji firmly presses his right arm down, leaving his wound unbothered.  

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I would do anything to keep you. Know that, feel that, Wei Ying.”

His gasps have turned into sobs as Wei Wuxian feels himself right at the edge when Lan Wangji places a heavy hand over his dick and begins to pull.

“Lan Zhan- ah-”

Fingers and toes curling, Wei Wuxian releases right into Lan Wangji’s hand, crying as he works him through it. When he can finally breathe, he pouts.

“I didn’t get to see the stars! My heavenly husband, who also didn’t finish, was in the way.”

Lan Wangji’s lips quirk into a smile, and he rolls onto his back, slicking himself up, before pulling Wei Wuxian on top. He lifts his knees for his support.

“I did not say we were finished.”

Grinning, Wei Wuxian pokes him in the nose. “Teasing your husband after bringing him so much pleasure! You are so shameless, Hanguang Jun.” He feels Lan Wangji stiffen further as he squirms, and he waggles his eyebrows. Lan Wangji lifts him by his torso, Wei Wuxian reaching to direct him inside. It’s a slow drop, but by the time Lan Wangji is completely sheathed Wei Wuxian feels like he could choke.

“Can you see stars?”

For once, Wei Wuxian is speechless at the well-timed joke, too busy feeling existential as he stares at the cosmos above him.

“I wish I could paint you, like this.” Lan Wangji breathes, exalting at the vision above him. Supple skin, red lips slightly parted, silver eyes raised high in supplication- Wei Wuxian was wrong to think that Lan Wangji was the heavenly being.

“What? Naked and on top of you? And to think, pornography used to scare you!”

“No, Wei Ying. The way you look staring up at the sky. Full of wonder. Peaceful. Free. I wish I could see that look on your face at all times.”

Wei Wuxian smiles, one of his rare, shy ones. “Well, you can watch me make it later. Right now, I need you to move- ground me, Lan Zhan, make the world remember why I need to stay down here with you and not in the heavens.”

A flushed Lan Wangji places a balancing hand on Wei Wuxian’s chest, and thrusts slowly. Wei Wuxian bites out a moan at the tantric rhythm. “Wei Ying is mine. He stays here with me.”

“Yes, yes Lan Zhan, oh my-”

“Tell me if it begins to hurt, or if we need to shift.”

When Wei Wuxian nods, face flushed, Lan Wangji rolls his hips in earnest, drinking in the debauched expressions on his face.

“Ah, shit, yes, right there-”

“Look up, Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji commands, voice harsh from his own arousal. “Look to the sky again, love, look at everything I would give you.” He pauses to lightly tug Wei Wuxian’s hair, and Wei Wuxian flips his head back, mouth agape as he takes in the universe once more. He would give me the world. The stars. The cosmos. As his eyes fill with gracious tears, a warm sensation explodes near his golden core, pulsating in rhythm, and Wei Wuxian cries out when he realizes what’s happening.

“Agh, nh- are you- are you dual cultivating with me, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji smirks, pleased that it worked, and begins moving again. “Wei Ying wanted to cultivate again.”

The smug look on his face, combined with the sure confidence of his tone leaves Wei Wuxian reeling with pleasure, and his moans become louder, begging for more. A few minutes later, he’s squeezing around Lan Wangji and sobbing, he’s so close.

“Lan Zhan, I love you so much, thank you so much-yes-”

They both come at the same time, crying to the skies, and Wei Wuxian feels two sources of warmth as Lan Wangji shudders inside him, gasping Wei Wuxian’s name. After a few moments, Lan Wangji lifts Wei Wuxian up and softly places him back down onto the blanket.

“Such a gentleman, Lan Zhan. I didn’t have to really move my right side at all.”

“Mn. No pain?” Lan Wangji asks, using a towel and some water from the pouch he brought to clean them both up, leaving another towel in between Wei Wuxian’s cleft once he’s finished.

“No pain. I mean, it shook a little, but that was nothing in comparison to everything else that was happening.” He brings Lan Wangji’s face to him in a small kiss. “You little schemer! That was a wonderful surprise.”

“Mn. You’re welcome. I would like to do that everyday as well.”

“By all means. ‘Can you see stars’; you are truly something else.” He grins lazily and looks back up. “Let me wonder at the vastness that my husband has gifted me.”

“All for Wei Ying.”  

Later, they are cuddled up inside the tent with the front flap open so that the stars are still visible, when Wei Wuxian nudges Lan Wangji.

“There’s one more thing that I didn’t mention earlier, that I kind of want. If I’m allowed to ask.”

“Yes, Wei Ying?”

“I’d like to go visit Lotus Pier. I’d like to go see Jiang Cheng.”

A mood killer if there ever was one, but Lan Wangji keeps his composure. Or tries to, but Wei Wuxian is expert at reading him.

“I know, that’s not necessarily what you want to hear right now. But…I feel like I need to. I’m afraid, but I don’t want to be, anymore. I want to try to rebuild what I can. And if I can’t- well, then I know I tried.”

Wei Wuxian’s giving him puppy dog eyes, and even if Lan Wangji had any intention to refuse, he wouldn’t have lasted long. He brings him into a slow kiss, hoping that it conveys his acceptance.

Wei Wuxian’s joy at the views of the lakes, blooming lotuses and marketplace fizzles the moment the boat docks in Lotus Pier and he sees the disciples looming. It is only after an encouraging hand on his back from Lan Wangji that he finds the courage to step forward.

They’re only five feet from the dock when they run into the brooding, seething wall of purple that is his shidi, waiting with his arms crossed and Zidian slithering with energy. It makes Lan Wangji nervous, though for a different reason than Wei Wuxian. He knows that Wei Wuxian wants to reconnect, to try to rebuild with his brother. But Jiang Cheng is known to rage and has hurt Wei Wuxian before with many reckless words and even physical threats. Not only this, but they came while Wei Wuxian was newly healed, and a little more vulnerable than he might be at full strength. This was because Wei Wuxian had hoped it would signify that he wasn’t going to be any trouble, that he wouldn’t be ‘bad’.

“Wei Ying is not bad,” he reassured him. “Never bad.”

Jiang Cheng gives him a stiff, scalding bow, as is his right while he is still Chief Cultivator, then immediately turns his wrath to Wei Wuxian.

“So, you traumatize Jin Ling, send him to hug me, and then you dare show your face here?”

They tried- Lan Wangji is already ready to grab Wei Wuxian, turn around and leave, but Wei Wuxian holds his ground.

“He wasn’t supposed to tell you about the hug,” he admits, sheepish. “But I am sorry, Jiang Cheng. I just want to talk.”

“What is there to discuss, Wei Wuxian?!”

Wei Wuxian flinches, but he presses on. “What he saw. What…what happened, back then. He saw it, and he never should have seen it. But I never talked about it. I’d like the chance to do that. To talk about everything with…with my shidi.”

Lan Wangji is slightly perturbed that Wei Wuxian has deemed his adopted brother (instead of him) the first person worth telling, but decides to accept the decision- surely another capitulation on Wei Wuxian’s end.

Though, he admits, he should have told Sect Leader Jiang first when it happened, so perhaps it is only fair.

“Don’t call-” The hiss is cut short as Jiang Cheng bites his tongue, clearly torn as the offer clicks in. “You- you want to talk.”

“Yes.”

“You mean…from back then. When you…went missing.”

“Yes.”

“And you would talk about…about after?”

“I would like to, but only if it would please you.”

Put off by Wei Wuxian’s unusually submissive demeanor, Jiang Cheng weighs his options. He isn’t exactly good at talking out his feelings; like his mother, Jiang Cheng’s always been more inclined to shout. His rage at Jin Ling’s distress is also priority, but he’s not blind- it’s a chance to ask questions- no, to demand long withheld truths from Wei Wuxian.

But he certainly doesn’t want to share that with the person who stole him.

The person who would have been the last person in the world he would have ever thought to look out for.

“Is he going to be there?”

The head incline is egregiously rude and clearly directed toward a frowning Lan Wangji, who gets a quick hand squeeze before Wei Wuxian pulls away.

“No. He doesn’t have to be.”

“Wei Ying.”

“He needs some time with me. Some alone time. It’s going to be okay.”

Lan Wangji remains tense, trying to hope in Wei Wuxian’s trust. After further thought, Jiang Cheng seems to agree, imperiously tossing his sleeves as he turns away.

“I will be in my room. I will clearly need a few jugs of alcohol for this. The servants will take your things.”

Wei Wuxian bounces in place, giddy with hope.

“Am I going to walk to my room myself?!” Jiang Cheng roars.

Grinning with anticipation, Wei Wuxian skips towards him, but barking stops him in his tracks. Paling, he almost turns to scurry back to Lan Wangji, and perhaps the lake. Before he can do any of these things, in a blink Jiang Cheng is in his path instead, in front of the eager dog that’s being followed by a distraught servant.

“Did I not say that there were to be no dogs present in my home for the next few days? Are you incompetent? Get out of my sight before I have you punished!”

The apologizing servant runs away with the dog, and Wei Wuxian tentatively wraps a teasing left arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders.

“A few days? You already planned for me to stay? Oh, shidi, you really do still love me!”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, you shameless bastard!” he shouts, tossing off his arm. “Shut up and walk!”

Wei Wuxian turns around and blows Lan Wangji a kiss, a simple promise of ‘see you later’. Lan Wangji catches it, bringing it to his lips. Groaning, Jiang Cheng drags him away. Lan Wangji is pleased to see the most hopeful smile that Wei Wuxian has had in weeks, in months even, and the disciples around him jolt at his resulting smile as they lead him into his room.

As soon as he’s settled in, he sits at the small desk with two goals. The first: the duties required to resign from the Chief Cultivator position. Lan Xichen and he have discussed it and decided that it is completely fair for Lan Wangji to live his own life happily and freely. Lan Xichen has promised that he will always have a home in the Cloud Recesses, and that he will deal with the grumbling of their uncle and the other elders. Despite how it was earned, Lan Xichen’s new steel makes Lan Wangji so proud of his brother.

The second: there’s a decently large plot in Yunmeng that he has been interested in- one where, should this visit to Lotus Pier go well, Wei Wuxian will be close enough for visits, as well as to the marketplace for anything they might need. He even plans to have a small training ground for Wei Wuxian and him to take full advantage of. Despite it being the first time he will have ever lived long term anywhere other than the luxury of the Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji finds himself excited for this new, different adventure.

It’s nighttime, and he’s all ready for bed when Lan Wangji hears hiccupping, followed by the front door of their quarters slamming open. Wei Wuxian stumbles in, and for a moment Lan Wangji’s heart constricts- is he hurt? Is he crying? Would he become the new Jin Guangyao by killing Jiang Wanyin? Because he’s going to do so if he’s harmed Wei Wuxian in any way. His brother would be so disappointed.

It takes a few slipped curses and maniacal giggles for him to realize- Wei Wuxian is drunk.

This might be a first.

“Lan Zhan! Er-gege!” Wei Wuxian slurs, smiling drunkenly as he slinks into Lan Wangji’s lap. “My handsome, sexy, husband! I’m hooooome!”

He loves his husband, but he reeks of vomit and Lan Wangji cannot abide by that.

“Wei Ying. How much did you drink?”

“Whaat? Are you calling me drunk, Lan Zhan? I am not! I only had… six… eight jugs of wine! And a few drunken cakes!”

Lan Wangji frowns, lifting Wei Wuxian as delicately as he can, and walking him to the refilled tub.

“You’ll be sick in the morning,” he comments, undressing Wei Wuxian and directing him into the water. As soon as the robes are off, Lan Wangji discards them into the laundry basket.

“Sick? No, Lan Zhan! It’s gonna- gonna be great! Me and Jiang Cheng, we’re gonna eat breakfast!”

Lan Wangji sincerely doubts that Wei Wuxian will be awake in time for breakfast, let alone capable of eating. But he smiles anyway as he scrubs.

“I assume your visit went well?”

“Kiiiinda! Jiang Cheng was irritable at first, all grumbly and mean. It took a few jugs to get through that. But then he just started shouting everything, and I let him, and then- he started crying!” Wei Wuxian is dynamic in his explanation, splashing water everywhere. “So, then I tried to make him feel better, and he shouted at me some more but then he drags me into a hug! A real hug, Lan Zhan! Then he got sick on the floor, and I was ordered out of the room. He could never hold as much liquor as me, but he tried to keep up. We’re making progress!”

It’s chaotic and messy, and not exactly how Lan Wangji would like for Wei Wuxian to receive an apology, but if this is how his husband and his brother communicate…

“What did you discuss?”

Wei Wuxian slowly blinks at him, before standing from the tub. Lan Wangji follows, bemused, as he dries himself off and puts on a light inner robe. The awkward silence continues until Wei Wuxian flops onto the bed, robes askew.

“You know? I don’t remember the details! The past, I’m sure. We started drinking, and then the cakes came with more wine, and then it was a lot of noise. It’s okay! I’m sure Jiang Cheng will remember!”

Sighing fondly, Lan Wangji flips back the covers on the bed, properly tucking Wei Wuxian into them. Wei Wuxian giggles, messily pushing them out of the way to hold his arms out wide.

“Lan Zhan! Get in here! Let your husband hold you!”

Relieved that there seems to be no discomfort with his action, Lan Wangji waves the candles out, humming happily as he slips into Wei Wuxian’s warm arms for a languid kiss, tasting of wine and sweets. Just as Lan Wangji is ready to go a little further, Wei Wuxian yawns widely. Not tonight, then. He lays back on the bed instead.

“Are you happy, Wei Ying?”

“Hm?” Wei Wuxian dizzily cocks his head. “Am I… happy?”

“Mn.”

“Of course, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian nuzzles into Lan Wangji, persistent until the man chuckles in mirth. “I’m so happy. My brother wants to talk to me again, I got to come home without being disgraced, I drank eight jugs of Lotus Pier wines, and I’m sharing all of this news with the best man in the world! I don’t think everyone could ever be happier than me.”

“I am.”

“Oh! A competition from the stoic Lan Zhan! And how are you happier than me?”

“Mn. I’m with Wei Ying.”

Flustered, Wei Wuxian screeches before hiding his face into Lan Wangji’s shoulder.

“Lan Zhan! Stop it!”

Chuckling again, Lan Wangji pulls the cover up and kisses Wei Wuxian on the forehead.

“Go to sleep, love.”

“Mmkay, goodnight Lan Zhan!”

Soon Wei Wuxian is asleep, breathing lightly in Lan Wangji’s arms, smile beatific as the moon from the open window lights his face. Lan Wangji investigates the sky, realizing it’s slightly different than the one he grew up with. The wind is warm, not brisk, the temperature humid, not crisp. Still, it’s full of the same, beautiful stars, and he can’t wait to see that look on Wei Wuxian’s face when he gifts them to him along with their new home.

With such an optimistic image in his mind, and his heart wrapped in his arms, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and settles into a peaceful sleep.